Anyone who is blatantly narcissistic or psychopathic, has a hair-trigger
temper, gets their jollies from swindling people, lies even when the
truth is easy and/or robs banks is obviously short on character.


And on the flip side, people who have a well thought out belief
system that’s the cornerstone of their lives, deliver on what they say
they’re going to do, do the right thing even when nobody else is
watching and generally believe in leaving the world a better place than
they found it are considered to have good, strong character.


All of the that isn’t generally up for debate.


But in the middle there is a massive gray expanse, isn’t there?
Nobody can be a paragon of perfection at all times, of course.
Nevertheless, here are ten indicators of character deficiency that tend
to fly under the radar.








 






1) Double-Talk Or Backbiting Before Your Very Eyes


Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who openly says
something different to you than what you just heard them say to someone
else?


Or have you ever watched someone be friendly and cordial to someone,
only to go on about how much they can’t stand the person after he or she
disappears?


If so, you probably wondered to yourself what the person you’re talking to really thinks of you, or how they really talk about you when you’re not around.


Your thoughts were perfectly natural and valid.




2) Attempts To Confide In You When Speaking Negatively About Someone


This is a bit of a twist on the first point above. But in this case,
the person will seek to differentiate you as a trusted confidant.


The desired effect is to have you believe that he or she treats YOU
with respect and integrity, even while disparaging the person he or she
is talking about.


You may at first feel special when this happens, but really it’s just
a ploy to gain your trust at the expense of others who aren’t there to
hear what’s going on.


So whenever someone says, “don’t tell so-and-so I told you this”,
feel free to assert the idea that if it’s not suitable for the main
subject of the conversation to hear, then it’s not suitable for you
either.




3) Writing Checks They Can’t (Or Won’t) Cash


Some people will pledge virtually anything to get what they need at
the moment, or claim they can do anything to get the approval they want.


They’ll have to pay the proverbial piper later, but for the time
being they enjoy a measure of temporary satisfaction. Or at the very
least, they avoid short-term drama at the extreme risk of greater pain
down the road.


Moreover, hedging the truth up front often leads to big-time pain later for everyone involved, and that’s not cool.


This may be controversial to some, but I believe that such
short-sighted desperation points to a lack of character. It’s a sign
that integrity is openly negotiable.








 



4) Overpromising, Under-Delivering


The subtle difference between this one and #3 is intent.


Whereas the person in #3 is talking as fast as he or she can out of desperation, the culprit in this case makes a big promise knowing it will never be fulfilled upon.


This is, of course, stereotypical of how unscrupulous salespeople do business.


What a rare and unexpected joy it is nowadays to do business with
someone who delivers more than he or she promised up front. Yet, it’s
the absolute best way to guarantee repeat customers.




5) Inability To Say “No”


This may be another controversial opinion, but I believe that being a
perpetual approval seeker is a sign of low character as well.


That’s because one can’t possibly be true to one’s own cornerstone
belief system while attempting to appease everyone else’s in the
process.


Not having the personal strength to set clear boundaries is a primo indicator of People Pleasing Syndrome.


None of us can possibly meet every demand from every person who would have us do something for them.


But in order to admit that, you have to say “no” to someone in order
to make good on the promises you’ve already prioritized. When you say
“no”, someone is going to be disappointed, and you therefore run the
risk of losing their approval.


So be it. You’re only human, and having priorities based on what’s truly important to you means setting boundaries.




6) The Cycle Of Lashing Out, Then Apologizing


This one wasn’t immediately obvious to me. It was only after
watching two clear examples happen in real time over the past couple of
weeks that I realized how closely aligned this phenomenon is with low
character.


Let’s say someone gets perturbed with you, and in their anger calls you names.


Then, a short while later he or she calms down, feels badly that they insulted you and asks for forgiveness.


Before long, however, you piss them off again somehow. The other
person then says, “You know what? I was right all along. You really
are a so-and-so!”


But soon thereafter comes another apology.


Lather, rinse, repeat…right? Who knows what this person really thinks when their blood pressure is stable?