Not too long ago, it was thought that only the spouses of alcoholics would show signs of co-dependency. Now, however, we know that being raised in a dysfunctional family of any kind is enough to put you at risk for co-dependency. Imagine that you grew up in a family where one of your parents was an addict or suffered from a severe mental illness. How would that affect you? Perhaps you would learn early on that you had to be the one taking care of the other members of your family. Maybe you would learn that anything you did could anger your parents. Knowing this, maybe you would try hard to learn to recognize whether your parents were sad or upset. Perhaps you would do your best to change their negative emotions. Accomplishing this can be quite difficult. Perhaps after countless failures, you would begin to think that there was something wrong with you. Maybe you would end up thinking you just weren’t good enough.

When co-dependent people grow up these symptoms do not disappear. Instead, they tend to get more severe.Listed below are some of the typical signs and symptoms of co-dependency. You do not need to have all of them to be regarded as co-dependent.

Relationships Hurt

For a co-dependent person relationships are usually filled with anxiety, fear, and anger. Although co-dependent people are typically desperate for human contact and long to be in a close, intimate relationship, these types of relations seldom bring them happiness. The reason for this is that although co-dependent people enter a relationship with high hopes, their fear of rejection and need for control soon turns their relationship into endless turmoil. Frequently, co-dependent people cause their very own nightmares to come true; by trying to control and manipulate others to stay, co-dependent people actually pushothers away from them.



Sense of Real Self is Lost

Co-dependent people try to do all they can to please other people. This is why they typically become experts in interpreting other people’s body language or small shifts in their mood. Co-dependent people like certain foods, hobbies, or politicians, because those are the preferences of their partners. They build an “ideal self” in a combination of their self-criticisms and a persona that they believe that others like. Because of this, a co-dependent individual in one relationship might be an animal activist only to go hunting with his or her next partner a few months later.

Poor Boundaries

A mentally healthy person knows when he is being mistreated and is able to walk out of such a relationship in order to protect himself. A co-dependent person typically cannot do this. He has low-self-esteem and to some extent believes that he does not deserve to be loved or respected. As a result, a co-dependent person does much more than his share in a relationship. He believes that this is the only way to make the other person stay in the relationship. Thus, accepting physical, mental, or financial abuse becomes acceptable in the mind of a co-dependent person.

Caretaking

Taking care of an addict, unemployed, or mentally ill person can become the center of a co-dependent person’s life. When she is taking care of another person, she feels valued and needed. Problems rise when the other person does not want or need such help. Oftentimes, the relationship between a co-dependent person and an addict worsens when the partners stops drinking or taking drugs. When they have no one to take care of, a co-dependent person will feel that he has no value.

Get Help

It is now recognized that the symptoms of co-dependency tend to worsen if left untreated. It can be very challenging for a co-dependent person to accept that she has problems. Even after an admission, it may take a while for a co-dependent person to recognize all of her behaviors. Changing co-dependent patterns can be very difficult as well. Luckily, with professional help, co-dependent peoplecan recover and form meaningful and happy relationships.

Join a Co-dependency support group that meets at260 Palermo Ave,Coral Gables every Monday between 7.30 and 9:00 pm.