What Does a Happy Family Look Like?
Getting up early in the morning is a habit with me as I have been the milkman of the house from the time I entered school! I got up listening to the sweet yet faint jingles emanating from my mother's anklet and ran down the stairs to collect milk bottles from the milk booth. What I did to help my mother, actually helped me form a disciplined life from my infancy. I earned goodies from her much before my other siblings got up to even know about it!
Well, today I get up as a mother who has to prepare Tiffin and breakfast for her daughters and husband. After an hour, when everyone is out of their beds and even ready for office and school, I hear voices saying 'yummy' as an acknowledgement for the tasty preparation. While I am busy ironing inside the bedroom, I am smart enough to hear the clack of pressure cooker being opened and closed securely. I know what is happening in the kitchen. One by one, they are putting half of what is offered to them on their plates, back into the pressure cooker! They think I do not know it and keep up with their nicety by accepting the banana handed over to them by me. Once they are out of the house, it will be me with my fuming self, distributing the breakfast to the birds already awaiting their share. However, I am satisfied that none of them has ventured out of the house hungry.
You may agree that ours is not a perfect family. How can it be? We are all acting funny behind each other's back. However, each one is concerned and satisfied that the other member is happy. We all care for each other and love one another. Just think, if every family lives a happy life, the entire world will be peaceful and joyful. It is as simple as this!
Basic Elements of a Happy Family
What I am taking into account while writing this is a gist of what I have seen and experienced in families we know. Well, any family can become a happy family gradually by working on issues that hamper peace and love in the house.
1. A Happy Family is Composed of 'Givers'
Each member is 'giving' in his own small way, trying to help the other, appreciating any small deed done well and giving the gift of faith, love and freedom. In the families which unveil inner confusion and criticism at the surface, one common trait that I have noticed is that every member is a 'taker'. Each one wants the other to handle and fix unforeseen issues like sudden arrival of a guest and sickness of a child or old member in the family.
The startling fact about such families is that you just saw them pack up together going out for a vacation! They are takers and they love to go out together for enjoyment on a holiday. But, as soon as they come back home, each one is tied back to their own important concerns and the surplus is left to be looked out by any one of them. Well, who? No one is ready to relent or give and hence quarrels take over their living space.
2. A Happy Family Fixes Situations not People!
In some families, if the child does not fare well in exams, the mother is yelled upon by the husband. That is not the end! Her entire self esteem is robbed off from her and she is reminded of her low IQ level, educational deficit along with comparisons with other women who are socially more active and smart! This is exploitation and domestic violence, albeit verbal! The child is late for school, well, blame and curse the mother. Mother-in-law is unwell --- blame the woman of the house for not taking enough care. Can such a family where the mother is not respected be happy. How can an unhappy woman give happiness? Remember, you can only give what you yourself possess! The woman is the fulcrum of the house. To live in a peaceful home, she must be happy and respected.
3. A Happy Family Celebrates the Success of Every Member
When my little one wrote a lovely poem, we went out for dinner together to make her feel important and encourage her to write more of such lovely poems. Well, she has already written around 30 poems and we will get them published once she reaches her goal of 50 poems.
In some households, any intellectual discussion will never include other members who are not professionals! There is an unforeseen division prevalent in the family which reflects that other members are not good enough while those who are doctors or engineers belong to a higher realm and so out of reach and above family discussions. This is wrong.
A happy family stays together, laughs together and enjoys together. They love each other's company and appreciate one another for any added accolade. Every step taken further is seen as a feather in the cap for the entire family which is true!
4. A Happy Family Stays Together in Times of Sickness and Sorrow
My friend's husband was diagnosed with cancer a few days back. When we went to meet them, I heard her rebuking her husband for having 'gutka' and 'paan' (areca nut and beetel nut) during his college days. 'Suffer for your own folly'', she said to our dismay. Well, it was no surprise that she applied and got selected for an yearly course abroad. She keeps sending her friends pictures of her mall visits and festival celebrations. Her husband is left alone to take care of himself and his three sons with some help from servants and short visits of their relatives.
It is not about stopping anyone from furthering his skills and education but the timing was not right. A beautiful family cares for the sick member, nurses him, feeds him, talks to him to dispel his anxieties...
5. A Happy Family Has an Unseen Hierarchy, Though Every One Stays in Freedom
Though every member enjoys respect, every happy family knows who has the ultimate say in the house. The younger person is loaded with love and the eldest acts judge in times of need. Every member decides for himself but the important decisions have to go through the safety net and experience accumulated by the senior member of the family. Where such hierarchy is absent, there is chaos and so no peace and happiness.
Last, but not the least, families today should become spiritual more than being religious. Spirituality reminds you of some basic tenets of living well such as love, discipline, caring, sharing, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Make your family a happy family by giving each other respect, appreciation and love they so rightly deserve. If you love somebody, show it!
Well, today I get up as a mother who has to prepare Tiffin and breakfast for her daughters and husband. After an hour, when everyone is out of their beds and even ready for office and school, I hear voices saying 'yummy' as an acknowledgement for the tasty preparation. While I am busy ironing inside the bedroom, I am smart enough to hear the clack of pressure cooker being opened and closed securely. I know what is happening in the kitchen. One by one, they are putting half of what is offered to them on their plates, back into the pressure cooker! They think I do not know it and keep up with their nicety by accepting the banana handed over to them by me. Once they are out of the house, it will be me with my fuming self, distributing the breakfast to the birds already awaiting their share. However, I am satisfied that none of them has ventured out of the house hungry.
You may agree that ours is not a perfect family. How can it be? We are all acting funny behind each other's back. However, each one is concerned and satisfied that the other member is happy. We all care for each other and love one another. Just think, if every family lives a happy life, the entire world will be peaceful and joyful. It is as simple as this!
Basic Elements of a Happy Family
What I am taking into account while writing this is a gist of what I have seen and experienced in families we know. Well, any family can become a happy family gradually by working on issues that hamper peace and love in the house.
1. A Happy Family is Composed of 'Givers'
Each member is 'giving' in his own small way, trying to help the other, appreciating any small deed done well and giving the gift of faith, love and freedom. In the families which unveil inner confusion and criticism at the surface, one common trait that I have noticed is that every member is a 'taker'. Each one wants the other to handle and fix unforeseen issues like sudden arrival of a guest and sickness of a child or old member in the family.
The startling fact about such families is that you just saw them pack up together going out for a vacation! They are takers and they love to go out together for enjoyment on a holiday. But, as soon as they come back home, each one is tied back to their own important concerns and the surplus is left to be looked out by any one of them. Well, who? No one is ready to relent or give and hence quarrels take over their living space.
2. A Happy Family Fixes Situations not People!
In some families, if the child does not fare well in exams, the mother is yelled upon by the husband. That is not the end! Her entire self esteem is robbed off from her and she is reminded of her low IQ level, educational deficit along with comparisons with other women who are socially more active and smart! This is exploitation and domestic violence, albeit verbal! The child is late for school, well, blame and curse the mother. Mother-in-law is unwell --- blame the woman of the house for not taking enough care. Can such a family where the mother is not respected be happy. How can an unhappy woman give happiness? Remember, you can only give what you yourself possess! The woman is the fulcrum of the house. To live in a peaceful home, she must be happy and respected.
3. A Happy Family Celebrates the Success of Every Member
When my little one wrote a lovely poem, we went out for dinner together to make her feel important and encourage her to write more of such lovely poems. Well, she has already written around 30 poems and we will get them published once she reaches her goal of 50 poems.
In some households, any intellectual discussion will never include other members who are not professionals! There is an unforeseen division prevalent in the family which reflects that other members are not good enough while those who are doctors or engineers belong to a higher realm and so out of reach and above family discussions. This is wrong.
A happy family stays together, laughs together and enjoys together. They love each other's company and appreciate one another for any added accolade. Every step taken further is seen as a feather in the cap for the entire family which is true!
4. A Happy Family Stays Together in Times of Sickness and Sorrow
My friend's husband was diagnosed with cancer a few days back. When we went to meet them, I heard her rebuking her husband for having 'gutka' and 'paan' (areca nut and beetel nut) during his college days. 'Suffer for your own folly'', she said to our dismay. Well, it was no surprise that she applied and got selected for an yearly course abroad. She keeps sending her friends pictures of her mall visits and festival celebrations. Her husband is left alone to take care of himself and his three sons with some help from servants and short visits of their relatives.
It is not about stopping anyone from furthering his skills and education but the timing was not right. A beautiful family cares for the sick member, nurses him, feeds him, talks to him to dispel his anxieties...
5. A Happy Family Has an Unseen Hierarchy, Though Every One Stays in Freedom
Though every member enjoys respect, every happy family knows who has the ultimate say in the house. The younger person is loaded with love and the eldest acts judge in times of need. Every member decides for himself but the important decisions have to go through the safety net and experience accumulated by the senior member of the family. Where such hierarchy is absent, there is chaos and so no peace and happiness.
Last, but not the least, families today should become spiritual more than being religious. Spirituality reminds you of some basic tenets of living well such as love, discipline, caring, sharing, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Make your family a happy family by giving each other respect, appreciation and love they so rightly deserve. If you love somebody, show it!
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