Alexis’s review of Bet Me > Likes and Comments

The other thing that was connected to this and slightly troubled me was the attitude to Min’s diet. Min appears to be doing a particularly misery-inducing version of a low carb diet, forced on her by her mother as part of the quest for the mythical size 8. As part of Min’s journey towards self-acceptance and cooking with butter, she allows Cal to tempt her away from the diet and feed her donuts and other sexy things. Now, I get this is nice, as it proves that Cal finds her desirable as she is, not if she was thinner/taller/better, unlike Wanker David, who wouldn’t let her eat desert. But I feel this treads very close to undermining Min’s agency. I know she’s hasn’t precisely chosen the diet for herself, but equally you can’t know what’s going inside someone’s head, you can only respect their decisions as they present them to you. So if someone tells you they’re on a diet, and you respond like Mrs Doyle, trying to get them to eat a piece of cake, or a bread roll, or whatever, then, frankly, you’re being a knob.



This is the worst analogy/comparison ever but it weirdly reminds me of the rape/non-con scene in To Have & To Hold except with food. According to the text, Rachel feels sufficiently ambivalent about what is being done to her body, and takes just enough secret pleasure in it, for it not to “count” as rape. Similarly, as Min isn’t on her diet because she wants to be and secretly wants to enjoy food, Bet Me seems to be suggesting it’s fine – and even morally right - for Cal to completely ignore her stated wishes and preferences. There’s also a lot of attention paid to how hot Min looks when she’s eating, which I think is meant to underscore how naturally sensual and passionate she is. And I get that too: women enjoying themselves look very very attractive. But it seems a little bit off, to me, to tempt someone who is worried about their weight with donuts just so you can get your rocks off.

But, y’know, better Cal than David. I do get that Cal is trying to show her that she shouldn’t be worrying about her weight. But I just think there’s a middle ground somewhere between establishing that you can admire, respect and desire someone as they are without also riding roughshod over their decisions.

But, let’s face it, this is mere quibbling. There was a lot I really liked about Bet Me, and I especially loved the way it juxtaposed reality and romance, damaging neither. When they finally get round to the sexing, Cal cheerfully ties Min to her sofa with his belt, uttering the line: “I like being in control.” Given how many hoops I’ve seen heroes jumping through in order to get a little fully consensual mild bondage happening, I feel this deserves a big thumbs up. Oh, and afterwards, he says “I normally last longer than seven minutes” which struck me as a nice change from the Wang of Infinite Stamina that seems to come as standard issue here in Romancelandia. It didn’t counteract the eroticism of the scene and I thought it was a neat little acknowledgement of the way sex is basically at its most awesome when you’re with someone you love, and is still satisfying and meaningful, even if it’s not textbook perfect.

Everything I learned about life and love from reading Bet Me: chicken masala is an Italian dish as well as an Indian one, Kate Winslet is an ugly fatty, even fictional weddings are awful, my penis is less inadequate than I previously believed.

I red this book back when I worked at Borders, I feel old, and I read every single book by this author at the time. Honestly it was the first time a character felt relatable for me. Though the first book I read by this author was Welcome to Temptation. If you want to keep reading their works my absolute favorite is Agnes and the Hitman it was written with Bob Mayer. Food is also a big thing in that one. I don't know I just feel like her books are just fun even with serious topics sprinkled in.

This is my favorite review of all time, even the stuff where he calls me out (because he's right) and also, HUGE ALEXIS HALL FAN here, so the fan swoon is immense. Boyfriend Material is on permanent reread. Alexis Hall never fails. THANK YOU!
Jenny Crusie

What an effing fantastic review!!!!
Thank you!
Also, anyone who questions the gorgeousness of Cate Winslet ought to be considered intolerably stupid. She is embodied amazingness. Full stop.

Every time I read this book I feel compelled to make chicken marsala, and that's OK with me.

Wonderfull - all the ingredients - old funny review taking up on most of previous ones - with enthuastic topical comments including the original author - how do you want to top this Alexis?

I was the exact age Min is in the same time period and I'm here to tell you if anything she undersold the culture of thinness and the obsession with food policing at the time (Kate Winslet was indeed called chubby and she talks about being asked to lose weight). There was a constant underpinning of food restriction and body shaming that while exists today, just is hard to make people believe now.

What an absolutely wonderful review for one of my all-time favorite books! I think it's time for a reread and some Krispy Kreme chocolate iced donuts.

Alexis wrote: "chicken masala is an Italian dish as well as an Indian one"

ah a small but significant difference between chicken masala and maRsala :)

Min and Cal, although important, remained quite secondary … It’s Min’s book, through and through, and it’s just as much about her journey towards self-acceptance and personal happiness, as it is about the importance of getting it on with a hot guy. I really liked this, actually.

I like this too. I think this is why I lean towards ‘women’s fiction’/chick lit (ewwww hate that term it’s ‘fiction!’) that has a love story instead of straight out romance bc I find myself more satisfied with the focus on the heroine’s personal journey/growth (e.g. a spineless people pleasure finds confidence to grow a spine and tell interfering family or friends to bugger off). Coz then the pay off is a nice romance at the end/part of the journey.

One small correction: Min doesn't want children, but she DOES like kids (see her relationship with Harry). That's a VERY important distinction. I don't have kids, but it doesn't mean that I don't like them - that's a myth about many childfree by choice people. I do agree that I like how the book takes her desire not to have kids seriously.

RE Min being "fat": I think it's notable that the only people in the book who actually view Min as fat are her mother and Min herself, mainly because her mother has drilled it into her (and possibly her ex David as well). Women small than Min (and Kate and Nigella) have become convinced that they are overwhelmed and undesirable due to society's emphasis on thinness. It's difficult to overestimate how much women - and worse, young girls - are bombarded with messages about how their bodies should look. Things have gotten better since this book was published in 2004, as there is more visibility for a greater range of body types, but we still have a long way to go.

Omg! This is a great detailed review of one of my absolutely favorite books by one of my absolutely favorite authors!!! Love love love!