“Julie was still talking. “No. No, sir. Do not, I repeat, do not approach them. . . . Why?” She rolled her eyes as the person on the other end of the line asked something incredibly stupid. “Because they will eat you. . . . Yes. Eat you.” She paused to cover the phone’s receiver and said to me, “What is it with these people who want to reason with monsters? Morons.” “I blame it on Twilight.” In real life, vampires only sparkle when they’re on fire.”