“If I say it, will you say it too?" I asked, swallowing hard, even though my mouth was dry. I willed him silently not to joke around or say anything that could hurt me.

"Yes, but I need to hear you say it first," he answered with a voice filled with tension.

"What are you, four? Why can't we just say it at the same time?" I asked, panicking.

"Because that's stupid. And when I was four, I said it by licking your Fruit Roll-Up. Why can't you just say it? Don't you trust me?"

"Why do you always get to decide who does what? I let you lift, and I wiped!"

"You're comparing us declaring our love for each other to wiping a baby's ass?!"

"Ah Ha! You said it!" I announced victoriously.

"I did not! I was saying it generally! That's different than saying it!"

"You said 'declaring our love'!"

"That's different than saying 'I love you'!"

"Ah ha!" I cried again.

"Oh Jesus H. Christ! Who's the one who's four?! Will you just say it, woman?!"

"Fine! I love you, you asshole!"

"I love you too, you nutty broad!”