“Advice for New Knitters

When choosing a pattern, look for ones that have words such as "simple", "basic", and "easy". If you see the words "intriguing", "challenging", or "intricate", look elsewhere.

If you happen across a pattern that says "heirloom", slowly put down the pattern and back away.

"Heirloom" is knitting code for "This pattern is so difficult that you would consider death a relief".”