“What does an equal partnership look like? One significant study showed that when partners see that they can influence the other person, they both have the experience of being heard and recognized. This mutual influence fosters open communication and the greater likelihood of sharing feelings, needs, and vulnerabilities. As a result, better intimacy is created in which both partners benefit and feel satisfied with the relationship (Steil 1997).

However, as Gottman recognized in his long-term research on marriage, husbands were far less willing to be influenced and often stonewalled or distanced themselves verbally and emotionally from conversations (Gottman and Silver 2000). He also determined in his studies that 81% who are not willing to be influenced by their partner are at risk for divorce. That women seem more interested in a balanced relationship between partners might account for the findings that more women instigate divorce (Coontz 2005).”