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Jordan L > Jordan's Quotes

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  • #1
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: first, funny, skydiving
    901 likes

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  • #2
    Steven Wright
    “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor, perspective, walking
    478 likes

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  • #3
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: failure, humor, success
    396 likes

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  • #4
    Steven Wright
    “When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    276 likes

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  • #5
    Steven Wright
    “There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: fishing, humor
    262 likes

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  • #6
    Steven Wright
    “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
    ― Steven Wright
    235 likes

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  • #7
    Steven Wright
    “When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”
    ― Steven Wright
    218 likes

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  • #8
    Steven Wright
    “It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor, love
    161 likes

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  • #9
    Steven Wright
    “The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?”
    ― Steven Wright
    160 likes

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  • #10
    Steven Wright
    “I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.”
    ― Steven Wright
    147 likes

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  • #11
    Steven Wright
    “You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: books, humor, reading
    142 likes

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  • #12
    Steven Wright
    “Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? ”
    ― Steven Wright
    136 likes

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  • #13
    Steven Wright
    “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
    ― Steven Wright
    125 likes

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  • #14
    Steven Wright
    “Did you sleep well?"
    "No, I made a couple of mistakes.”
    ― Steven Wright
    122 likes

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  • #15
    Steven Wright
    “Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”
    ― Steven Wright
    113 likes

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  • #16
    Steven Wright
    “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
    ― Steven Wright
    102 likes

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  • #17
    Steven Wright
    “If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    101 likes

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  • #18
    Steven Wright
    “I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
    ― Steven Wright
    92 likes

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  • #19
    Steven Wright
    “What is the speed of dark?”
    ― steven wright
    84 likes

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  • #20
    Steven Wright
    “I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
    ― Steven Wright
    80 likes

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  • #21
    Steven Wright
    “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
    ― Steven Wright
    69 likes

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  • #22
    Steven Wright
    “I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: feet, humor, shoes
    75 likes

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  • #23
    Steven Wright
    “All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor-psychokinesis
    68 likes

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  • #24
    Steven Wright
    “You can't have everything ... where would you put it?”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor
    65 likes

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  • #25
    Steven Wright
    “Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, airplanes
    65 likes

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  • #26
    Steven Wright
    “I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor
    62 likes

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  • #27
    Steven Wright
    “If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”
    ― Steven Wright
    50 likes

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  • #28
    Steven Wright
    “How can there be self-help groups?”
    ― Steven Wright
    45 likes

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  • #29
    Steven Wright
    “Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?”
    ― Steven Wright
    46 likes

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  • #30
    Steven Wright
    “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: comedian, comedy, plagiarism
    43 likes



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Tags From Jordan’s Quotes

first
funny
skydiving
humor
perspective
walking
failure
success
absurd
fishing
love
books
reading
feet
shoes
humor-psychokinesis
airplanes
comedian
comedy
plagiarism