Prometheus > Prometheus's Quotes

“Everyone smiles in the same language.”
― George Carlin

“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.”
― George Carlin

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”
― George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning”
― George Carlin

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ”
― George Carlin

“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss.
[WHAM! CRUNCH!]
"Look, they nearly missed!"
"Yes, but not quite.”
― George Carlin

“Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason”
― George Carlin

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
― george carlin

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Tits always look better in a pink sweater.”
― George Carlin

“I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.”
― George Carlin

“When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.”
― George Carlin

“I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin