Morgan > Morgan's Quotes

“Pick up your clothes. I am not your maid. How do I know this? A maid cannot kill you with a tube sock. I can. ”
― Rob Thurman

“When life gives you lemons. . . You might as well shove 'em where the sun don't shine, because you sure as hell aren't ever going to see any lemonade.”
― Rob Thurman, Nightlife

“The vampire stared at me, his mouth slack as Ghastek assessed his options. I took a couple of forms from my desk, put them into the vamp's mouth, and pulled them up by their edges.
"What are you doing?" Ghastek asked.
"My hole puncher broke."
"You have no respect for the undead.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'"
I stared at him, shocked.
The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after."
Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“As he passed me, he leaned to Curran and handed him a paper fan folded from some sort of flyer.

Curran looked at the fan. “What?”
"An emergency precaution, Your Majesty. In case the lady faints.”

Curran just stared at him.

Raphael strode toward the Pit, turned, flexed a bit, and winked at me.

"Give me that,” I told Curran. “I need to fan myself.”
"No, you don’t.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“You don't cause problems. You cause catastrophes.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“Kate short-circuits my brain. In my head we always have these clear coherent exchanges, but once we meet, what comes out it is, “Kate, do what I say or I’ll kill you.” Her default reply is, “Fuck you!” and we go downhill from there.”
― Ilona Andrews

“The phone rang. I picked it up.
“Are you sitting down?” Curran's voice asked.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Click.
I listened to the disconnect signal. If he wanted me to sit, then I'd stand. I got up. The chair got up with me and I ended up bent over my desk, with the chair stuck to my butt. I grabbed the edge of the chair and tried to pull it off.
It remained stuck.
I would murder him. Slowly. And I'd enjoy every second of it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing…
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”
― Ilona Andrews, Curran

“Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Andrea raised her hand. “This is the hand that slapped Aunt B.”
“Maybe you should have it gold-plated.”
“Here, you can touch it, since you’re my best friend.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I'm not it."
"A can-I girl?" Andrea frowned.

I leaned back. "'Can I fetch your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss your ass, Your Majesty? Can I..."

It dawned on me that Raphael was sitting very still. Frozen, like a statue, his gaze fixed on the point above my head. "He's standing behind me, isn't he?"

Andrea nodded slowly.

"Technically it should be 'may I'," Curran said, his voice deeper than I remembered. "Since you're asking for permission."

Why me?

"To answer your question, yes, you may kiss my ass. Normally I prefer maintain my personal space, but you're a Friend of the Pack and your services have proven useful once or twice. I strive to accommodate the wishes of persons friendly to my people. My only question is, would kissing my ass be obeisance, grooming, or foreplay?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“I'm a substitute mom."
"You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear.
"Maybe he's got one... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, GhosTV

“I really hate threesomes when one of the participants is dead.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Among the Living

“What the fuck happened to you? [...] You look like you lost a fight with a lamprey. Hickey, hickey...bruise, bruise, bruise...bite. I thought that thing on your neck the other day was just a fluke. I guess not--looks like you get off on picking up a few souvenirs when you...get off. ~Crash”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Camp Hell

“A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Among the Living

“My waking life probably gave my subconscious an inferiority complex.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Criss Cross

“You've been really hard on my clothes lately", I said. I pushed him away just enough to slip out of my T-shirt and drop it on the floor before he turned it into a stretched-out rag.

"I've been really hard...and your clothes are in my way.”
― Jordan Castillo Price

“No wonder I worried about talking dirty; talking in general seemed to escape me.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Criss Cross

“Gee, I wasn't as up on my Native American traditions as the chick who used to call herself Faun fucking Windsong even though she was fifteen sixteenths as lily-white as me. Imagine that.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, GhosTV

“And besides, my back feels naked without Jacob curled against it.”
― Jordan Castillo Price

“You don’t have to be psychic to end up knowing things you were a lot happier not knowing.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Secrets

“Victor, back there in that basement, when the zombies were… were… moving around on those tables…. Twitching? And dead? You didn’t even blink.

This is nothing like those zombies.

No shit. Because this time, you’re scared—beyond scared. You’re terrified. And whatever’s got you scared? I don’t want any part of it.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Camp Hell

“I've never liked the word team. I've always equated it with being picked last and getting nailed in the groin with a dodgeball.”
― Jordan Castillo Price, Camp Hell

“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all our friends, and an entire police force can't keep tabs on one twenty-six year old graphic designer who thinks he's fuckin' Batman.
--Detective Sam Kage in A Matter Of Time (vol 2 or part 4)”
― Mary Calmes

“I think you're wrong. I think, in real life, magic happens every day," he said...”
― Mary Calmes, A Matter of Time, Vol. 2