“You can have that life,” he told her. “It’s right there for you to take.”
“I love you,” Eve quickly countered.
“Loving me hurts you, doesn’t it?” Beckett asked, looking down. “No, you don’t have to tell me. I know. I can smell it. I can smell the pain coming off of you,” he said, looking at the floor. “You had love before and a future. What does loving me get you, Eve? What does it get you?” He stood, angry with himself.
“I don’t need to get anything from you. It’s the way it is. There’s no changing that.” She gripped the porch railing.
Beckett stepped close to Eve and tenderly tucked a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear.
“You’re saying goodbye,” she said, her eyes full of questions.
“Do you know there are other little girls out there like that one? I lived with a few of them. They would sell their souls for a mother like you.”
At the word mother Eve’s chin crumpled. She tried to hold back the tears, but they wouldn’t obey.
“See that? It’s what you need. You need that—a little kid calling you Mom.” Beckett put his arms around her as she shattered.
The pain she kept hidden surfaced from where it had been smoldering. When he felt her knees weaken, he hugged her harder.
“That’s right. It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, baby. You want normal.” He guided her to the chair he’d vacated. “There’s a guy out there who’ll hold your hand. There’s a little girl out there. She’s waiting for you. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.” He knelt in front of her and rubbed her arms.
She slapped at his hands, letting outrage carry her words. “I don’t want another man. I want you. I’ve killed for you. I’ve protected you. What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you honestly think these hands that kill can hold a child?” She held her fingers in front of her face.
“Yes. Absolutely. Don’t you know, gorgeous? Mothers are some of the most vicious killers out there, if their kids are threatened. You just have more practice.” He took her hands and kissed them.
“I’ve lost too much. I can’t lose you. Don’t make me. Please. I’ll beg you if I have to.” She watched his lips on her palms.
He shook his head and used her own words against her. “The hardest part of loving someone is not being with them when you want to be.”
He stood, and she mirrored his motion,already shaking her head. “Don’t say it.”
Beckett ignored her; he knew what he had to do. He had to set beautiful Eve free to find that soft, touchable woman he’d seen her become with the little girl.”
―
Debra Anastasia,
Poughkeepsie
