Pam > Pam's Quotes

“What if I don’t choose you, Kellan? What will you do?”
He looked away, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I’ll leave, Kiera. I’ll leave, and you and Denny can have your happily ever after.” He looked back at me. “You wouldn’t even need to tell him about me. Eventually, the two of you…” his voice broke and another tear fell on his cheek, “the two of you would get married, and have children, and have a great life.”
I fought back a sob. “And you? What happens to you in that scenario?”
“I…get by. And I miss you, every day,” he whispered.”
― S.C. Stephens, Thoughtless

“But, if for some reason we're not closer, if something has gotten between us, please, I'm begging you…don't give up on me. Stay. Stay with me. Work it out with me. Just don't leave me…please.”
― S.C. Stephens, Effortless

“If I'm yours and you're mine...then I will take you, wherever and whenever I can.”
― S.C. Stephens, Thoughtless

“It's okay... it will be okay. You're just young. Your'e young and inexperienced, and Kellan is hotter than all fuck.”
― S.C. Stephens, Thoughtless

“Mornin'" - Kellan Kyle”
― S.C. Stephens

“I'll have a Denver omelet...thank you.”
― S.C. Stephens

“Not looking up at me, his smile widened. “I’m reading your porn.”

Smacking his foot as I walked by, I scoffed, “That’s not porn…it’s romance.”
― S.C. Stephens, Effortless

“And let’s face it people, no one is ever honest with you about child birth. Not even your mother.       “It’s a pain you forget all about once you have that sweet little baby in your arms.”     Bullshit.   I CALL BULLSHIT.   Any friend, cousin, or nosey-ass stranger in the grocery store that tells you it’s not that bad is a lying sack of shit.   Your vagina is roughly the size of the girth of a penis.   It has to stretch and open andturn into a giant bat cave so the life-sucking human you’ve been growing for nine months can angrily claw its way out.   Who in their right mind would do that willingly?   You’re just walking along one day and think to yourself, “You know, I think it’s time I turn my vagina into an Arby’s Beef and Cheddar (minus the cheddar) and saddle myself down for a minimum of eighteen years to someone who will suck the soul and the will to live right out of my body so I’m a shell of the person I used to be and can’t get laid even if I pay for it.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Water? At a wedding? I don’t understand,” he asks in confusion. “Did you invite Jesus? That’s the only way that will be acceptable.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“Spitters are Quitters”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“In hind sight, telling him all strangers wanted to eat him wasn’t my finest hour. Having to explain to a bunch of crying children in line to see Santa why my kid was screaming ‘DON’T GO NEAR HIM! HE’LL EAT YOUR FINGERS!’ was no picnic.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Oh my God, I sent a picture of my boobs to Jim," I moaned as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through me.

"You also threw up in the emergency room parking lot, called Drew and told him you were the Donkey Punch Dick Queen and filled out a Last Will and Testament on a Burger King napkin and then asked the drive-thru worker to notarize it.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Say it,” he whispers. “I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“All the baby books written by women who had the most perfect birth experience in the world said you should talk to your child in the womb. That was about the only piece of advice I took from those things. Every day I told him if he ruined my vagina I would video tape his birth and show all his future girlfriends what happened to your who-ha when you had sex, ensuring that he will never, ever get laid.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I am plenty romantic. Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow - Globs: piles of white chocolate covered, crushed potato chips and pretzels drizzled with caramel. I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning, I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept. I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os. Who says romance is dead?”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder." Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol?”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I should have sold you to that traveling circus when you were four.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“FUCK YOU, SAM I AM!”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“He's been hung up on a one-night-stand he had five years ago with a girl that smelled like Cocoa Puffs.”
― Tara Sivec

“I DON'T EVEN FUCKING LIKE GREEN EGGS!”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“I lay there wrapped in Carter’s arms and it was the most comfortable I had ever been. For about five minutes. This just proved that everything they did in the movies was a load of bullshit. His arm was under my neck on the pillow which tilted my head at an awkward angle. I could already feel the beginnings of a kink. I was starting to sweat like a whore in church with his other arm heavily draped over my waist and his legs tangled with mine. With my sweaty ass and his itchy leg hair, it felt like I had a hundred mosquito bites on my legs. It would be wrong to kick him now, right? I shifted my body just the tiniest bit. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to cuddle, but I was going insane trying to lie perfectly still. . . .

"Out with it, Claire," Carter mumbled close to my ear.

Shit. Now it was going to get awkward. We just now had sex for the first time in years and I was going to tell him to get away from me so I could sleep. I am the most unromantic person in the world. . . .

"My neck is killing me and I'm so hot right now my skin could start a blanket fire," I rambled. Carter was quiet. Too quiet. Shit, I hurt his feelings. "Oh, thank fucking God," he said as he pulled both of his arms out from around me. "My arm fell asleep and my legs were getting a cramp.”
― Tara Sivec

“As I recall, Drew made me take him to see a voodoo priestess he found in the yellow pages that week because he said the friend put a hex on his penis. For two weeks he slept with a two-pound package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts on his junk since he refused to sacrifice a live chicken.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Give me a cat over a kid any day.   You can open up a bag of Meow Mix, plop it down on the floor next to a bucket of water, go on vacation for a week, and come home to an animal that is so busy licking it’s own ass that it has no idea you were even gone.   You can’t do that with a kid.   Well, I guess you could, but I’m sure it’s frowned upon in most circles.   And if my kid could lick his own ass, I’d have saved a shit load of money on diapers, I can tell you that.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Getting a group of rowdy, blue-collar workers together in one room and putting in a tape that shows a guy in a leisure suit putting his hand on his secretary's ass and you've got complete and total anarchy, ladies and gentleman.”
― Tara Sivec