Hilariousness Quotes

“Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Happy is one of the many things I'm likely to be over the course of a day and certainly over the course of a lifetime. But I think if you have the expectation that you're going to be happy throughout your life--more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time--well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic.”
― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“Actually, I wouldn't mind a Malibu and coke."

"You're having a fucking pint."

"Is my choice of drink too gay for you?"

"Malibu and coke is a pussy drink. Last I heard you were strictly anti-pussy.”
― L.A. Gilbert, The Ghost on My Couch

“You are making this fuss because I did not issue a proper proposal?
Very well." He began to kneel and she grasped a fistful of his hair
and yanked him back to a standing position.

He yelped and rubbed his head. "Even you cannot deny that your
background and family connections are less than desirable, yet I am
still willing to do the honorable thing and marry you.”
― Ally Broadfield, How to Beguile a Duke

“It's hotter in here than a goat's ass in a pepper patch.”
― Zoe Forward, Protecting His Witch

“I take a deep breath and calm my face, trying as best as I can to put yearning into my eyes. It's not that hard. Green dick or not, I'd hit that...if I made absolutely any effort to hit anything.”
― Stacey Wallace Benefiel, Crossing

“my phone beeped. I took it from my handbag and saw
a text message from Dixie.
It read: that man is sizzling HOT HOT HOT!!!!
truth! I texted back.
omg! his accent! his body! im in lurv
i noticed!
hes a bilf
wtf???
boss id like 2 fuk!
I snorted out loud with laughter.
Heller flicked his cold eyes to me.
I wrote: norty girl!
ooh! does he like norty asian girls?
Another involuntary snort from me.
“Ms Chalmers,” he warned.
gotta go. my new daddys strict, I texted.
spankz for u 2nite!
lolz! only if im lucky! c u soon xx

- heller 1”
― j d nixon