Alex > Alex's Quotes

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― C.E.M. Joad

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
― Albert Einstein

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
― Mark Twain

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
― Mae West

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain

“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!”
― George Carlin

“I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.”
― Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“If God gives you a Quiznos, can I have a bite? No way. You have to pray for your own food.”
― Michael Grant, Hunger

“Too bad we don't have marshmallows. This is an amazing fire." Howard emerged through the smoke behind Edilio.”
― Michael Grant, Lies

“And yes, we do have some food. Maybe you'd like to join us? Unless you want to stick with your sheep sushi.”
― Michael Grant, Lies

“Brianna dropped the skateboard in front of Sam. “Don’t worry: I won’t let you fall off.”

“Yeah? Then why did you bring the helmet?”

Brianna tossed it to him. “In case you fall off.”
― Michael Grant, Hunger

“Hey, thanks for stopping by," Howard said. "I'd offer you some tea and cookies, but all we have is boiled mole and artichokes. Plus, we kind of have a dead girl in the living room.”
― Michael Grant, Lies

“The sea is everything. It covers seven tenths of the terrestrial globe. Its breath is pure and healthy. It is an immense desert, where man is never lonely, for he feels life stirring on all sides. The sea is only the embodiment of a supernatural and wonderful existence. It is nothing but love and emotion; it is the Living Infinite. ”
― Jules Verne, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea

“If there were no thunder, men would have little fear of lightning.”
― Jules Verne, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea

“The sea is only the embodiment of a
supernatural and wonderful existence.
It is nothing but love and emotion;
it is the ‘Living Infinite...”
― Jules Verne