Lea Bookjoy > Lea's Quotes

“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“We’re going jogging.”
“I don’t run for recreation. I run when someone’s after me with a weapon.”
“That can be arranged,”
― Karen Chance, Embrace the Night

“Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.”
― Darynda Jones

“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“You, Ms. Lane, are a menace to others! A walking, talking catastrophe in pink!”
― Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever

“Kate smirked.
"What?"
"Your horse looks pink."
"So?"
"If you paste some stars on her butt you'll be riding My Little Pony."
"Bugger off." I patted the mare's neck. "Don't listen to her, Sugar. You are the cutest horsey ever. The correct name for her color is strawberry roan, by the way."
"Strawberry Shortcake, more like it. Does Strawberry Shortcake know you stole her horse? She will be berry, berry angry with you."
I looked at her from under half-lowered eyelids. "I can shoot you right here, on this road, and nobody will ever find your body.”
― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Not really hungry."
"She’ll eat." Pritkin said curtly.
"I said —"
"If you starve to death it would damage my professional reputation."
"I eat plenty."
"The same does not apply should I strangle you in understandable irritation, however."
"I’ll have a sandwich," I told Nick. "No meat.”
― Karen Chance, Embrace the Night

“Never underestimate a well-dressed bimbo.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever

“My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.”
― Janet Evanovich

“The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones

“I get off on a man with strong moral fiber. The closest Barrons ever gets to fiber is walking down the cereal aisle at the grocery store.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Bloodfever

“And even then, it's not like you did all that much," I said, talking over him, because it was the only way to get a word in edgeways with Pritkin sometimes.
He had filched the bottle back to take a drink, but at that he lowered it and looked at me, his eyes very green next to the amber liquor. "What?"
"I just meant, it wasn't all that and a bag of chips. You know?"
He blinked at me.
"No offense," I added, because he was looking kind of poleaxed. Like maybe he hadn't had a whole lot of complaints before. Which was, frankly, pretty damn understandable. But I feigned indifference. "I mean, it couldn't have been that bad if -"
"Bad?"
"Well, not bad bad."
He just looked at me.
"I mean, I came and everything, so that has to count for some -"
I cut off because I was suddenly enveloped in a strong pair of arms, and my head was crushed to a hard chest. A chest that appeared to be vibrating. It took me a few moments to get it, and even then I wasn't so sure, because Pritkin's face was buried in my hair. But I kind of thought - as impossible as it seemed - that he might be ... laughing?”
― Karen Chance, Hunt the Moon

“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Yes I can,” Curran snarled. “Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do.”
I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I'm not it."
"A can-I girl?" Andrea frowned.

I leaned back. "'Can I fetch your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss your ass, Your Majesty? Can I..."

It dawned on me that Raphael was sitting very still. Frozen, like a statue, his gaze fixed on the point above my head. "He's standing behind me, isn't he?"

Andrea nodded slowly.

"Technically it should be 'may I'," Curran said, his voice deeper than I remembered. "Since you're asking for permission."

Why me?

"To answer your question, yes, you may kiss my ass. Normally I prefer maintain my personal space, but you're a Friend of the Pack and your services have proven useful once or twice. I strive to accommodate the wishes of persons friendly to my people. My only question is, would kissing my ass be obeisance, grooming, or foreplay?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I'm a substitute mom."
"You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Andrea raised her hand. “This is the hand that slapped Aunt B.”
“Maybe you should have it gold-plated.”
“Here, you can touch it, since you’re my best friend.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“Saiman picked up a coffee mug, stared at it, and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces. We looked at him.
“Your date appears to be hysterical,” Rene told me.
“You think I should slap some man into him?"
Saiman stared at me, speechless. I had to give it to Rene—she didn't laugh. But she really wanted to.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“I chuckled to myself and kept walking. The Universe had proven Curran wrong: a person who aggravated him more than me did, in fact, exist.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns