Steven > Steven's Quotes

“I felt like it needed some color down there, so I painted the walls with the motherfucker.”
― Joe Hill, NOS4A2

“Everything is humorous," said Shorty, "except your own death. But other people will laugh.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“A BS in any neuroscience without a master's or PhD was a three-legged dog of a degree: pitiable, adorable, and capable of inspiring applause when it did anything for you at all.”
― Daryl Gregory, Afterparty

“Love at first sight is a myth, but thundering sexual attraction at first sight is hard science.”
― Daryl Gregory, Afterparty

“So this made-up religion--"
"I didn't say made-up. I said brand new. 'Made-up religion' is redundant.”
― Daryl Gregory, Afterparty

“This kid, he has to remember, this freaking junior varsity water boy, cut the heads off five men and rolled them across a disco floor like he was duckpin bowling.
Guilty feet ain't got no rhythm, Eddie thinks.”
― Don Winslow, The Cartel

“Jim Bob looked at his watch.
"I got time to get there and shower up, put on some smell-good, buy a couple packs of rubbers, and meet my barrel racer."
"Couple packs of rubbers," Brett said. "Very romantic."
"Ah, honey, I'm taking her to dinner first, and I always let the woman put the rubber on, and I think two packs is enough. And don't worry. I need an extra pack, I can send her to the drugstore. I got a bicycle in the garage.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Honky Tonk Samurai

“In polite society what you say to an attractive woman who is dressed in a way that makes you understand the power of biology is, "You look nice.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Honky Tonk Samurai

“Shit, I could jerk you up from there, pop you like a whip. Pop you so hard your snatch will snap off and smack the wall."

"So," Vanilla said. "How was charm school?”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Honky Tonk Samurai

“Twitch's eye started fluttering like the intro to "Hot For Teacher.”
― Todd Robinson, Rough Trade

“Ollie's got a nice trumpet."

"Ollie plays the trumpet?"

"No. He stuffs it with old rags and f**ks it like a Fleshlight. It's a very specific fetish. Yes, he plays the trumpet.”
― Todd Robinson, Rough Trade

“From Alpha Centauri, we were twin stars, side by side.”
― Bryn Greenwood, All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

“It makes you less ignorant to actually know what you're talking about, so listen to me.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Paradise Sky

“The woman's body bounced from wall to wall like a winning pinball. There were no electronic harmonies for high score. Just her thick pleas of sorry with no pity in reply. Just savagery.”
― Frank Bill, Crimes in Southern Indiana: Stories

“The projects looked like a place where dreams went to commit suicide and hope got screwed in the ass.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Rusty Puppy

“You paying good money?"

"For what?"

"Information, asshole. You was the one said it."

"Depends on the information. But please, I had asshole legally dropped from my name.

"That was a mistake.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“I'm always ready," Leonard said. "They pulled me out of my mama, I was ready for lunch and a fistfight.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Rusty Puppy

“They were going to shoot us for five hundred dollars," I said. "Wait." I turned to Limp. "Was that apiece?"

"To split," Limp said.

"Really?" I said.

Limp nodded. "We got some raccoons out of an attic for the same price.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Rusty Puppy

“So while Jordan told me to "just do it," my parents reminded me of a guy who once laced my Nikes at Stride Rite and talked about his years playing pro basketball in Europe -- a cautionary tale to show me and my sister the value of practical goals.”
― Phil Gaimon, Draft Animals: Living the Pro Cycling Dream

“There's rolling the dice, and there's rolling them into the sewer.”
― Phil Gaimon, Draft Animals: Living the Pro Cycling Dream

“I haven’t used my dick in so long I wouldn’t know where to find it. I sent it out for a pack of Camels in 1979 and it never came back.”
― Daryl Gregory, Spoonbenders

“Smocks were the official uniform of those hanging on to the bottom rungs of the economic ladder; a parachute that would never open.”
― daryl gregory, Spoonbenders

“They piled into Irene's Festiva, a car that won the award for most ironic distance between name and driving experience.”
― Daryl Gregory, Spoonbenders

“Duty eats free will for breakfast.”
― Daryl Gregory, Spoonbenders

“He lit the cigarette and inhaled gratefully.

"You want one?"

"No thanks. Had a touch of the cancer a few years ago."

"What kind?"

"Prostate."

"I'm not asking you to smoke it in your ass.”
― Daryl Gregory, Spoonbenders

“It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of paint into his face, and the shade was named Blinding Pain.”
― Daryl Gregory, Spoonbenders

“Step by motherfucking step. Our ends know our beginnings but the reverse isn’t true.”
― Don Winslow, The Force

“There are the gods of place and the gods of commerce, and if you have to bet who’s going to win out, put your money on money every time.”
― Don Winslow, The Force

“Truth, justice and the American way. The American way is: truth and justice maybe say hello in the hallway, send each other a Christmas card, but that’s about the extent of their relationship.”
― Don Winslow, The Force

“It’s so fucking cheap when people say I love you. It’s a name to stick on a surge of hormones, with a little hint of loyalty thrown in. I’ve never liked saying it. Here’s what I say: We’re together, now and until the end. You have everything I need to be happy. You make me feel right.”
― Joe Hill, The Fireman