Smith Johns > Smith's Quotes

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#1

“Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

329 likes

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#2

“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
― Jerry Seinfeld

tags: books, funny

4023 likes

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#3

“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

tags: bookstore-thinking-evidence

326 likes

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#4

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

253 likes

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#5

“Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. ”
― Jerry Seinfeld

tags: humor

132 likes

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#6

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

116 likes

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#7

“Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

108 likes

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#8

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

tags: humor

123 likes

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#9

“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

tags: humor

124 likes

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#10

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor

151333 likes

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#11

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: attributed-no-source, enemies, forgiveness, strategy

81803 likes

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#12

“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

tags: inspirational, music, philosophy

74324 likes

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#13

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

37988 likes

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#14

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious, simile

35269 likes

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#15

“Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

tags: bilbo, journey, lost, quest, travel, wander

21816 likes

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#16

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

tags: life, navigation

39249 likes

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#17

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

tags: inspirational

14554 likes

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#18

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

tags: god, humor, life

11628 likes

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#19

“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

tags: sympathy

6314 likes

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#20

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

tags: humour

10129 likes

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#21

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
― Douglas Adams

tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit

11374 likes

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#22

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”
― Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays, Vol. II: 1926-1929

tags: fact, ignorance, truth

10540 likes

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#23

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
― Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor, simile

13159 likes

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#24

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humour, telekinetics

10125 likes

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#25

“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

tags: authors, books, literature, reading, writing

22063 likes

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#26

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

9217 likes

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#27

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

tags: identity, originality

6267 likes

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#28

“I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
― Augusten Burroughs

tags: flaws, individuality

4252 likes

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#29

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

tags: design, foolproof, ingenuity

3749 likes

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#30

“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
― George Orwell

tags: truth

8511 likes

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