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#1

“When God takes out the trash, don't go digging back through it. Trust Him.”
― Amaka Imani Nkosazana, Heart Crush

tags: admiration, affirmations, afterlife, attitude, awake, awakening, blessings, confirmation, corruption, courage, curiosity, dedication, destiny, divine-guidance, dreams, earth, evil-people, expression, faithfulness, fate, feelings, finding-yourself, forget, forgiveness, freedom, friends, gifts, god, godliness, guidance, happiness, hate, haters, hatred, heart, heaven, holy, holy-spirit, honesty, imagination, independent, inspiration, inspire, journey, joy, kindness, knowledge, liars, life, life-lessons, living, love, loving-you, loving-yourself, lying, lying-to-yourself, motivation, motivational-quotes, optimistic, passion, peace, peace-of-mind, peaceful, peacemaker, people, philosophy, positive-thinking, power, power-of-words, quotes, self-respect, soul-searching, spiritual, spirituality, success, thankfulness, trash, treasure, trust, trusting-god, trustworthy, truth, value, vision, wisdom, words-to-live-by, worth

204 likes

#2

“Growing up in a home of abuse, you struggle with the notion that you can love a person you hate, or hate a person you love. It’s a strange feeling. You want to live in a world where someone is good or bad, where you either hate them or love them, but that’s not how people are.

There was an undercurrent of terror that ran through the house, but the actual beatings themselves were not that frequent. I think if they had been, the situation would have ended sooner. Ironically, the good times in between were what allowed it to drag out and escalate as far as it did. He hit my mom once, then the next time was three years later, and it was just a little bit worse. Then it was two years later, and it was just a little bit worse. Then it was a year later, and it was just a little bit worse. It was sporadic enough to where you’d think it wouldn’t happen again, but it was frequent enough that you never forgot it was possible. There was a rhythm to it. I remember one time, after one terrible incident, nobody spoke to him for over a month. No words, no eye contact, no conversations, nothing. We moved through the house as strangers, at different times. Complete silent treatment. Then one morning you’re in the kitchen and there’s a nod. “Hey.” “Hey.” Then a week later it’s “Did you see the thing on the news?” “Yeah.” Then the next week there’s a joke and a laugh. Slowly, slowly, life goes back to how it was. Six months, a year later, you do it all again.”
― Trevor Noah, Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood

tags: domestic-violence

1 likes

#3

“You don't manage an oppressor or dictator.

You don't love people out of being controlling or abusive.

You come up with a plan to secure whatever is most important to you before they kill you.”
― Tonya GJ Prince, Speak, and End Child Sexual Abuse

tags: abuse, abuse-survivors, civil-disobedience, civil-rights, domestic-violence, power, safety, surviving

9 likes

#4

“The power you feel when you see the Pyramids is the great will and mind power of the ancient people who built them!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

tags: pyramid-quote, pyramids, pyramids-quotes, will-power, willpower, willpower-quotes

1 likes

#5

“Women leave their marriages when they can't take any more. Men leave when they find someone new.”
― J. Courtney Sullivan, Commencement

tags: gender-stereotypes, leave, marriage, men-and-women

156 likes

#6

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.”
― Cher

tags: marriage, women

1886 likes

#7

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
― Katharine Hepburn

tags: marriage, men, women

1660 likes

#8

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abused-women, abuser, abusive-men, abusive-partners, abusive-relationship, abusive-relationships, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence

129 likes

#9

“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to uncover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abused-women, abuser, abusive-men, abusive-partners, abusive-relationship, emotional-abuse, intimidation, mental-abuse, physical-abuse, verbal-abuse

138 likes

#10

“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abused-women, abuser, abusive-men, abusive-partner, abusive-partners, abusive-relationship, abusive-relationships, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence, emotional-abuse, mental-abuse, physical-abuse, psychological-abuse, psychology

164 likes

#11

“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is: “You owe me.” For each ounce he gives, he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him, even if it means that her own needs—or her children’s—get neglected. You can pour all your energy into keeping your partner content, but if he has this mind-set, he’ll never be satisfied for long. And he will keep feeling that you are controlling him, because he doesn’t believe that you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abusive-men, abusive-partners, abusive-relationship, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence, entitlement

171 likes

#12

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abusive-men, domestic-violence, physical-abuse

223 likes

#13

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abused-women, abuser, abusive-men, abusive-partner, abusive-relationship, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence, emotional-abuse, physical-abuse

269 likes

#14

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

tags: abuse, abuse-survivors, abuser, abusers, attack-on-character, attacking-people, backlash, break-the-silence, child-sexual-abuse, child-sexual-abuse-survivor, crazy, credibility, denial, false-memories, false-memory-myth, false-memory-syndrome-campaign, healing-from-abuse, hysterical, incest, insane, just-tell, lack-of-accountability, lying, perpetrator, perpetrators, pschological-abuse, rape-culture, rape-myths, rape-survivor, secrecy, sexual-abuse, sexual-assault, sexual-violence, survivor, survivors, unstable, victimized, victimizing

373 likes

#15

“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative attitudes toward females, but men who have abusive fathers do; the disrespect that abusive men show their female partners and their daughters is often absorbed by their sons.
So while a small number of abusive men do hate women, the great majority exhibit a more subtle—though often quite pervasive—sense of superiority or contempt toward females, and some don’t show any obvious signs of problems with women at all until they are in a serious relationship.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abusive-men, abusive-parents, abusive-partners, abusive-relationships, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence

75 likes

#16

“The fact is, the man who’d begotten me didn’t want me. In his eyes I should never have been born. And perhaps that would’ve been best. As it was, my existence had proven to be nothing more than a nuisance for everyone. I angered my father, brought strife upon my mother, irritated my teachers, and annoyed the other children who were forced to interact with me in school. All by simply being.

When you aren’t loved, you aren’t real. Life is cold, like the stone against my palm.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Dandelions: The Disappearance of Annabelle Fancher

tags: abuse, annabelle, child-abuse, richelle, richelle-goodrich, unloved, unwanted

65 likes

#17

“Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.”
― Stefan Molyneux

tags: abuse, abusers, child-abuse, psychology, trauma

67 likes

#18

“Eyes so young, so full of pain ... Two lonely drops of winter rain ... And no tear could these eyes sustain ... For too much had they seen.”
― Shaun Hick

tags: abuse, child, cry, crying, eye, eyes, girl, heartache, hurt, hurting, pain, rain, sad, sad-childhood, sadness, scared, tear, tears, war, winter, winter-rain, young

82 likes

#19

“If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at you, it’s hard to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. If you come from an incomprehensible world filled with secrecy and fear, it’s almost impossible to find the words to express what you have endured. If you grew up unwanted and ignored, it is a major challenge to develop a visceral sense of agency and self-worth.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

tags: abuse, fear, love, neglect, parental-abuse, parenting, ptsd, secrecy, self-esteem, trauma

141 likes

#20

“Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant.”
― bell hooks

tags: abuse, commitment, love, men, relationships, women

1959 likes

#21

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abuse-survivors, abused-women, abusive-men, abusive-partner, abusive-relationships, domestic-violence, emotional-abuse, physical-abuse

526 likes

#22

“I've heard that people stand in bad situations because a relationship like that gets turned up by degrees. It is said that a frog will jump out of a pot of boiling water. Place him in a pot and turn it up a little at a time, and he will stay until he is boiled to death. Us frogs understand this.”
― Deb Caletti, Stay

tags: abuse, life, relationships

269 likes

#23

“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. These walls tend to grow over time, so that after a few years in a relationship my clients can reach a point where they feel no more guilt over degrading or threatening their partners than you or I would feel after angrily kicking a stone in the driveway.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

tags: abuse, abused-women, abusive-men, abusive-partners, abusive-relationships, objectification

91 likes

#24

“Woe to the man who offends a small child!”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

tags: abuse, children, injury, mistreatment, small-children

34 likes

#25

“There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

tags: child, children, contagious, contagiousness, funny, humor, innocence, innocent, kid, kids, kids-funny, laugh, laughing, laughter, mischief, mischievous, rascal, suspicion, suspicious, young, youth

180 likes

#26

“Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone.”
― Michael Jackson

tags: children, divine, smile

139 likes

#27

“You know all that sympathy that you feel for an abused child who suffers without a good mom or dad to love and care for them? Well, they don't stay children forever. No one magically becomes an adult the day they turn eighteen. Some people grow up sooner, many grow up later. Some never really do. But just remember that some people in this world are older versions of those same kids we cry for.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

tags: abuse, children, depression, kids, love, parents, sadness

567 likes

#28

“You cannot let your parents anywhere near your real humiliations.”
― Alice Munro, Open Secrets

tags: parents, secrets, shame

169 likes

#29

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.”
― Dante Alighieri

tags: afterlife, attributed-no-source, hell, morality, neutrality

2212 likes

#30

“All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: equality, life, logic, opinions

818 likes

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