2026 Reading Challenge

X > X's Quotes

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  • #1
    J.R.R. Tolkien
    “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
    ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
    tags: humor, semantics, suspicion
    4591 likes

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  • #2
    Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
    “If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? 'I love you, too'.”
    ― Kurt Vonnegut, Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons
    tags: humor, love, violence
    651 likes

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  • #3
    Shel Silverstein
    “EARLY BIRD
    Oh, if you’re a bird, be an early bird
    And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
    If you’re a bird, be an early early bird--
    But if you’re a worm, sleep late.”
    ― Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends
    tags: humor, life, poem
    560 likes

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  • #4
    Rachel Caine
    “My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.”
    ― Rachel Caine, Kiss of Death
    tags: humor
    352 likes

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  • #6
    George Bernard Shaw
    “My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.”
    ― George Bernard Shaw, John Bull's Other Island
    tags: humor
    678 likes

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  • #7
    Sue Grafton
    “Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it.”
    ― Sue Grafton
    tags: humor, independent-thought, thought
    420 likes

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  • #8
    Steven Wright
    “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor, perspective, walking
    479 likes

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  • #9
    Douglas MacArthur
    “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
    ― Douglas MacArthur
    tags: humor, military
    398 likes

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  • #10
    Jarod Kintz
    “I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
    97 likes

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  • #11
    Roald Dahl
    “Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.”
    ― Roald Dahl
    tags: childhood, children, humor
    898 likes

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  • #12
    Mel Brooks
    “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
    ― Mel Brooks
    tags: comedy, humor, tragedy
    428 likes

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  • #13
    Eric Idle
    “Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.”
    ― Eric Idle
    tags: comedy, humor, life, wisdom
    314 likes

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  • #14
    Scott Adams
    “Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.”
    ― Scott Adams
    tags: advice, fish, food, humor, wisdom
    304 likes

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  • #15
    “Tomorrow is promised to no one.”
    ― Clint Eastwood
    tags: humor, tomorrow
    302 likes

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  • #16
    Frank Zappa
    “Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'
    Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?”
    ― Frank Zappa
    tags: hair, humor, retort
    632 likes

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  • #17
    Jim Butcher
    “You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.”
    ― Jim Butcher, Summer Knight
    tags: elaine-mallory, harry-dresden, humor
    472 likes

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  • #19
    Oliver Goldsmith
    “Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.”
    ― Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer
    tags: ask, humor, lies, questions, sarcasm, wit, witty
    789 likes

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  • #20
    Jim Morrison
    “Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts”
    ― Jim Morrison
    tags: fashion, hair, humor, mistakes
    639 likes

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  • #21
    Bill Watterson
    “Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?”
    ― Bill Watterson
    499 likes

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  • #22
    Dave Barry
    “The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”
    ― Dave Barry
    tags: football, humor, ice-fishing, ice-skating, skiing, snow-camping, snowboarding, sports
    281 likes

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  • #23
    Laini Taylor
    “It's not like there's a law against flying."

    "Yes there is. The law of gravity.”
    ― Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone
    tags: humor
    1433 likes

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  • #24
    Cassandra Clare
    “You have something on your neck.
    What
    Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway?
    Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head.
    And ran into a vampire
    What? No! I fell.
    On your neck?”
    ― cassandra clare
    tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-ashes, city-of-bones, city-of-glass, humor
    428 likes

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  • #25
    Pete Wentz
    “Sometimes when it looks like I'm deep in thought I'm just trying not to have a conversation with people.”
    ― Pete Wentz
    tags: conversation, humor, pete, thought, wentz
    346 likes

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  • #26
    Steven Wright
    “There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: fishing, humor
    262 likes

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  • #27
    Steven Wright
    “When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    276 likes

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  • #28
    Albert Einstein
    “Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren't these the same questions as last year's [physics] final exam?

    Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor, science
    865 likes

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  • #29
    Erma Bombeck
    “Housework can kill you if done right.”
    ― Erma Bombeck
    tags: chores, housekeeping, humor
    238 likes

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  • #30
    P.C. Cast
    “Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches”
    ― P.C. Cast
    tags: humor
    194 likes

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  • #31
    Terry Pratchett
    “...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
    tags: ageing, humor
    1047 likes

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  • #32
    George S. Patton Jr.
    “No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.”
    ― George S. Patton Jr.
    tags: humor
    296 likes



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Tags From X’s Quotes

humor
semantics
suspicion
love
violence
life
poem
independent-thought
thought
perspective
walking
military
childhood
children
comedy
tragedy
wisdom
advice
fish
food
tomorrow
hair
retort
elaine-mallory
harry-dresden
ask
lies
questions
sarcasm
wit
witty
fashion
mistakes
football
ice-fishing
ice-skating
skiing
snow-camping
snowboarding
sports
cassandra-clare
city-of-ashes
city-of-bones
city-of-glass
conversation
pete
wentz
fishing
absurd
science
chores
housekeeping
ageing