audrey > audrey's Quotes

“There's no chance we could get arrested, is there?"

I looked up at my best friend in the world. "If there is a law against an eight foot tall stork in wedge-padrilles carying a poorly dressed wooden grandma dummy as if it was her child, then yes, we might have a problem."

Daisy rested her elbow on top of my head. "Oh you little peanut, I know you said something because I saw your rubbery lips flapping but I couldn't hear a word from way down there. Why don't you inflate those tiny lungs and try again?”
― Tina Lencioni, One Little Lie

“[Nick] brushed the crumbs from his hands and then looked me right in the eye. "Kate," he began, "You are my cousin, and I love you, and I will always, always, always run you over without a second thought to get to a woman with a whole lot of cash.”
― Tina Lencioni, One Little Lie

“I will meet you in the dirtiest city you can dream of. We will drink cocktails so sweet they pucker our cheeks, as we perch on cracked leather bar stools. I will buy you plates of calcium and protein and we will run through the streets in excellent danger.
”
― Michelle Tea

“If you ask me, houses shouldn't have been built down here. These little block-long streets cease abruptly at the open space that remains on the side of the hill, and the hill is angry that development has crept so close. It whips these pathetic homes with a battering, constant wind. It sends soggy clouds to sit damply atop the roofs, trickling stagnant moisture, birthing deep green molds. It sends its monsters, the horrifying Jerusalem crickets, up from the soil to invade basement apartments, looking like greasy, translucent alien insects. They drive me crying into the bathroom to strategize their eviction from my home.”
― Michelle Tea

“In the hour before a thunderstorm, the color of the forest deepens: the pine needles take on a dense vibrant greenness they possess at no other time, the slender trunks go black, and the leaden sky above sinks lower by the minute.”
― Michael McDowell, Cold Moon Over Babylon

“I sort of wish that was what happened though, Ginny, because that would mean the girl is all right. Fourteen-year-old girls have run off before."

Ginny eyed the sheriff severely. "Not fourteen-year-old girls who had grandmas like Evelyn Larkin.”
― Michael McDowell, Cold Moon Over Babylon

“Marriage, in my view, should be a balanced stalemate between equal adversaries.”
― Elizabeth Peters, The Mummy Case

“What has started you on this?" I asked. "We were talking about the holidays."

"Los Angeles is not a safe place for a young woman alone. I feel it in my bones."

"That's your arthritis, Aunt Sadie. Do you want me to get a gun? I'd probably shoot myself in the foot."

"I'd rather you got married again."

"That might be worse than shooting myself in the foot.”
― Cynthia Lawrence, Take-Out City

“I do admire the new breed of fictional female PI's. The ones who'll survive a throttling, a kidnapping, a punch in the kidneys from a Mafia goon and then wind up the evening making love to a helicopter pilot. In the helicopter. I think I need more time at the gym.”
― Cynthia Lawrence, Take-Out City

“One of the best things about road-tripping with monks is that monks are used to repeating chants over and over and over, so they really don't mind songs like 'Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall' or 'The Song That Never Ends.”
― M.T. Anderson, Agent Q, or The Smell of Danger!

“He lives in kind of a different world from the rest of us. You know? The kind of world where electricity is a lot of invisible spiders. The kind of world where there's organ music that gets louder when he eats refined sugar.”
― M.T. Anderson

“I hope,' muttered Jasper, 'we do not ever shop again at a place where vampires can buy clip-on bow ties. You would think with all of eternity in front of them, they could take the time to learn a simple knot.”
― M.T. Anderson, Zombie Mommy

“One of the best things about being deaf is that you can't hear anyone talking smack about you.”
― Ashley Fiorek

“A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida.


Then it got weird.”
― Tim Dorsey, Pineapple Grenade

“The last door on the second story was the exception. Fresh gold letters:

MAHONEY & ASSOCIATES, PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS.

Mahoney sat inside. The only associate was the fifth of rye residing in his bottom desk drawer.”
― Tim Dorsey, Pineapple Grenade

“Rain is the last thing you want when you're chasing someone in Miami. They drive shitty enough as it is, but on top of that, snow is a foreign concept, which means they never got the crash course in traction judgment for when pavement slickness turns less than ideal. And because of the land-sea temperature differential, Florida has regular afternoon rain showers. Nothing big, over in a jiff. But minutes later, all major intersections in Miami-Dade are clogged with debris from spectacular smash-ups. In Northern states, snow teaches drivers real fast about the Newtonian physics of large moving objects. I haven't seen snow either, but I drink coffee, so the calculus of tire-grip ratio is intuitive to my body.”
― Tim Dorsey, Pineapple Grenade

“Whenever I'm with other people, part of me shrinks a little. Only when I am alone can I fully enjoy my own company.”
― Alan Bradley, A Red Herring Without Mustard

“Sorry, old girl," I said to [my bicycle] Gladys in the gray dishwater light of early morning, "but I have to leave you at home."

I could see that she was disappointed, even though she managed to put on a brave face.

"I need you to stay here as a decoy," I whispered. "When they see you leaning against the greenhouse, they'll think I'm still in bed."

Gladys brightened considerably at the thought of a conspiracy. [...]

At the corner of the garden, I turned, and mouthed the words, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," and Gladys signaled that she wouldn't.

I was off like a shot.”
― Alan Bradley, A Red Herring Without Mustard

“Books are like oxygen to a deep-sea diver," she had once said. "Take them away and you might as well begin counting the bubbles.”
― Alan Bradley, I Am Half-Sick of Shadows

“I gave her a partial smile and kept the rest of it for myself...”
― Alan Bradley, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

“Even in complete silence, Buckshaw had its own unique silence; a silence I would recognize anywhere. ”
― Alan Bradley, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

“I reached into my bag and pulled out a pumpkin spice muffin with walnuts that was as moist as anything. "It can be plain for breakfast or I can top it with cream cheese frosting. I like a muffin that can go from day to evening."

I gave it to her. She sniffed it, nodded, and held it up.

"How do I know you're not trying to poison me?"

I wasn't expecting that question. "Ms. Morningstar, I swear, if I was going to poison you, I wouldn't ruin a perfectly fine muffin to do it.”
― Joan Bauer, Close to Famous

“He handed me a spreadsheet of his own gear list -- everything extensively tested, accounted for and accurately weighed ... Chris' gear list resembled mine, at a base level. But there was a scientific certainty to his items, listed in precise terms and weighed down to fractions of an ounce.

"You weigh your chapstick?" I cried out. "Your chapstick?”
― Jill Homer, Be Brave, Be Strong: A Journey Across the Great Divide

“He explained how pushing above his threshold for short bursts of time at the beginning of each hill allowed him to breathe more easily on the long climbs. I nodded enthusiastically and understood little of what he was telling me.

"How about you?" he asked. "How do you structure your training?"

"I go until I'm tired," I said. "And then I do it again the next day."

"That's probably not very effective," John said.”
― Jill Homer, Be Brave, Be Strong: A Journey Across the Great Divide

“During my three seasons at Mount Rainier I learned a lot about mountain climbing and rescues, about politics and camaraderie in the mountains, and about what being a woman climber means. Now I know in all certainty when to bring my toothbrush and when to leave it at home, and, all things considered, that kind of confidence is hard to come by. The greatest skill I ever had, though, was the one I started with: being able to suffer for long periods of time and not die. In exchange, I got to see some amazing things.”
― Bree Loewen, Pickets and Dead Men: Seasons on Rainier

“Finnie kicked a packet of washing powder. "Why am I surrounded by morons? Did I tick the wrong bloody box for room service? I wanted scrambled eggs on toast, but they delivered a family-sized bag of idiots!”
― Stuart MacBride, Blind Eye

“Blah, blah, blah, regret to inform you that DI Gray has tendered his resignation; blah, blah, blah; opportunity to reward performance; blah, blah, blah; suggestions by next Wednesday.

McPherson had scribbled, "BEATTIE?" in the margin in red biro.

Idiot.

Logan stuck the memo back in the drawer. Detective Sergeant Beattie couldn't arrest his own backside with three patrol cars and a search warrant.”
― Stuart MacBride, Blind Eye

“I saw this girl dancing, and I moved closer to her because I liked the way she looked, haughty and sexy but not in a slutty way, and when I got closer to her, I realized she was me and I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like the kind of girl I'd always wanted to befriend.”
― Rebecca Godfrey

“In the alley where I last saw Justine, there was no sun. The storefronts displayed carnation bouquets and orthopedic shoes and hearing aids, but in the alley, these same stores were just dark walls, and looking at them was like looking at the back of someone who has turned and walked away from you.”
― Rebecca Godfrey, The Torn Skirt

“I don't know why, but whenever I'd look at Amber, all determined and long-legged, I'd imagine her climbing out of a car wreck while the slow, sluggish passengers burned inside.”
― Rebecca Godfrey, The Torn Skirt