2026 Reading Challenge

Jason245 > Jason245's Quotes

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  • #1
    “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
    ― Anthony G. Oettinger
    tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time
    6196 likes

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  • #2
    Oscar Wilde
    “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: creation, god, humor, man
    6379 likes

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  • #3
    Groucho Marx
    “I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
    ― Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me
    tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership
    1874 likes

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  • #4
    H.L. Mencken
    “The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”
    ― H.L. Mencken
    tags: age, humor, old, wisdom
    2177 likes

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  • #5
    Oscar Wilde
    “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
    ― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories
    tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
    71688 likes

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  • #6
    Albert Einstein
    “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, inspirational, life, live, miracle, miracles
    49875 likes

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  • #7
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    ― Jim Henson
    26443 likes

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  • #8
    Oscar Wilde
    “To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
    ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
    tags: children, humor, paraphrased, parents
    2151 likes

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  • #9
    “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
    ― Lily Tomlin
    tags: humor, life, rat-race
    1682 likes

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  • #10
    D.J. MacHale
    “There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)”
    ― D. J. MacHale, The Quillan Games
    tags: clowns, humor, people
    1395 likes

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  • #11
    Steven Wright
    “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: books, humor
    858 likes

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  • #12
    Flannery O'Connor
    “I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor, The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor
    tags: humor, wit
    1137 likes

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  • #13
    Frank Zappa
    “Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.”
    ― Frank Zappa, The Real Frank Zappa Book
    660 likes

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  • #14
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
    19792 likes

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  • #15
    W.C. Fields
    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
    ― W.C. Fields
    7412 likes

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  • #16
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: amnesia, humor, memory
    4692 likes

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  • #17
    George Carlin
    “Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language
    2148 likes

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  • #18
    Steven Wright
    “If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
    ― steven wright
    tags: humor
    331 likes

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  • #20
    Andrew Jackson
    “It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.”
    ― Andrew Jackson
    339 likes

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  • #21
    George Burns
    “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
    ― George Burns
    tags: age, humor
    456 likes

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  • #23
    Mark Twain
    “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: bank, bankers, humor
    1600 likes

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  • #24
    Calvin Trillin
    “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
    ― Calvin Trillin
    tags: cooking, food, humor, leftovers, mothers
    409 likes

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  • #25
    Scott Adams
    “The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.”
    ― Scott Adams
    tags: food, humor
    147 likes

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  • #26
    H.L. Mencken
    “Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.”
    ― H. L. Mencken, A Little Book In C Major
    tags: humor, philosophy, truth
    236 likes

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  • #27
    Nora Ephron
    “I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted
    most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.”
    ― Nora Ephron
    tags: food, humor, love
    209 likes

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  • #28
    James Beard
    “A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.”
    ― James Beard
    tags: food, humor
    91 likes

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  • #29
    Terry Pratchett
    “If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
    tags: cats, humor, life
    5174 likes

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  • #30
    Douglas MacArthur
    “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
    ― Douglas MacArthur
    tags: humor, military
    398 likes

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  • #31
    Laurell K. Hamilton
    “Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?”
    ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Danse Macabre
    tags: compromise, humor
    297 likes

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  • #32
    Dr. Seuss
    “When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
    and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
    ...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
    bottle paddle battle.”
    ― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks
    tags: childrens, humor
    1709 likes



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Tags From Jason245’s Quotes

humor
misattributed-to-groucho-marx
time
creation
god
man
clique
clubs
membership
age
old
wisdom
intelligence
self-deprecation
attributed-no-source
inspirational
life
live
miracle
miracles
children
paraphrased
parents
rat-race
clowns
people
books
wit
insanity
lies
lying
self-indulgence
truth
amnesia
memory
animals
cats
dogs
language
bank
bankers
cooking
food
leftovers
mothers
philosophy
love
military
compromise
childrens