Jacqueline Evans > Jacqueline's Quotes

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.”
― Christopher Moore

“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.”
― Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue

“She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.”
― Christopher Moore

“Science, you don't know, looks like magic.”
― Christopher Moore

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I love you above all things, even pie.”
― Christopher Moore, Fool

“Charlie Asher: I accidently shagged a monk last night.
Minty Fresh: Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.”
― Christopher Moore

“I've won Satan's lottery.”
― Christopher Moore, Bloodsucking Fiends

“Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“The hip-hop guy nodded curtly, like he knew that, and despite appearances to the contrary, he had not been trippin', but had, in fact, been chillin' like a mo-fuckin' villain, so step the fuck off, wigga. He crossed against the light, limping slightly under the weight of the subtext.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Why is it one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere, but one must busta cap in someone's ass?”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“Animals might put up with that smiley shit, but people will eventually kill you for it.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.”
― Christopher Moore

“...as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“I'll bet he was myrrh. Bastard, he brings the cheapest gift and now he wants to sodomize me.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“It's like time travel only, you know, slower...”
― Christopher Moore

“We've been rehearsing a classic from antiquity, Green Eggs and Hamlet, the story of a young prince of Denmark who goes mad, drowns his girlfriend, and in his remorse, forces spoiled breakfast on all whom he meets.”
― Christopher Moore, Fool

“Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk”
― Christopher Moore