You Suck Quotes

“She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga!" (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.) -Abby”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one.
--The Chronicles of Abby Normal”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“...then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted "She Walks in Beauty," which is like my favorite poem next to the one by Baudelaire about his girlfriend being nothing but worm food, except that Lily called that one first because Baudelaire is her fave poet and so she got the shirt with him on it, even though Byron is way more scrumptious and I would do him on sharp gravel if I had the chance.
--from The Chronicles of Abby Normal”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Like last year I took Advance Foods class (which is like cooking for nerds) after lunch, and so I usually took a nap. Which was fine, because I'm not even thrilled about regular foods, so, you know, what do I need with like advanced digital HD wi-fi foods and whatnot? -Abby”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Careful crossing the street," Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk]
"Ha!" Jody said. "I am a finely tuned predator. I am a superbeing. I --" And at that point she bounced her forehead off a light pole with a dull twang and was suddenly lying on her back, looking at the streetlights above her, which kept going out of focus, the bastards.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit." -Tommy
Ding, ding, ding," Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on the correct answer.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“You first," Tommy said. They stood in the great room of their loft on either side of the futon, where the huge cat, a crossbreed between a Persian, a dust mop, and possibly a water buffalo, was actively shedding.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“So, have you seen Flood?" she asked. "Cop?" She added "cop" with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Jody noticed that the kid was focused on the breasts, which were defying gravity, and apparently death itself, by standing there at complete attention”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck