Mark Johnson > Mark's Quotes

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ”
― Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50

“I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'

This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson.”
― Dave Barry, Dave Barry Does Japan

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.”
― Dave Barry

“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.”
― Dave Barry

“When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.”
― Al Franken

“Margaret: Can I - can I just say something for the future?

Leo: Yeah.

Margaret: I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.

Leo: You can sign the President's name?

Margaret: Yeah.

Leo: On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?

Margaret: Yeah! Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?

Leo: I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!

Margaret: Well. I'd probably end up doing some time for that.

Leo: I would think. And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?

Margaret: It was just for fun.”
― Aaron Sorkin

“President Bartlet:

There's a delegation of cardiologists having their pictures taken in the Blue Room. You wouldn't think you could find a group of people more arrogant than the fifteen of us, but there they are, right upstairs in the Blue Room.”
― Aaron Sorkin

“Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright.”
― Aaron Sorkin

“I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.”
― Aaron Sorkin

“To the brave crew and passengers of the Kobayshi Maru…sucks to be you.”
― Peter David, Stone and Anvil

“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

“Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? If so, then you're the bastard who stole my drugs Friday night. And I'll find you. Oh, yes.”
― Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 5: Lonely City

“If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?”
― Warren Ellis

“I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER”
― Warren Ellis

“The book is almost always better than the movie. You could have no better case in point than FROM HELL, Alan Moore's best graphic novel to date, brilliantly illustrated by Eddie Campbell. It's hard to describe just how much better the book is.

It's like, "If the movie was an episode of Battlestar Galactica with a guest appearance by the Smurfs and everyone spoke Dutch, the graphic novel is Citizen Kane with added sex scenes and music by your favourite ten bands and everyone in the world you ever hated dies at the end."

That's how much better it is.”
― Warren Ellis

“Dance like you're stamping on a human face forever, love like you've been in a serious car crash that minced the front of your brain, stab like no one can arrest you, and live like there's no such thing as God.”
― Warren Ellis

“By four o'clock, I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the entire world instead.”
― Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 3: Year of the Bastard

“Writing comics? Still the best job in the world. I sit around all day making shit up and see it illustrated, in 99% of cases, exactly as I imagined it -- if not better. I've been doing this a long time now, and I'm going to do it until I die. Which probably won't be long, given the constant insane deadline pressure.”
― Warren Ellis

“There was a time when I liked a good riot. Put on some heavy old street clothes that could stand a bit of sidewalk-scraping, infect myself with something good and contagious, then go out and stamp on some cops. It was great, being nine years old. ”
― Warren Ellis

“Listen to the Chair Leg of Truth! It does not lie!”
― Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 9: The Cure

“Listen, when some asshole pulls a gun on me, he loses his right to a warm milky drink and fucking cuddles, okay?”
― Warren Ellis, Black Summer

“Journalism is just a gun. It’s only got one bullet in it, but if you aim right, that’s all you need. Aim it right, and you can blow a kneecap off the world.”
― Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 1: Back on the Street

“We may have been crazed, strange and entirely too eager to find new things to have sex with - but we went out to preserve great chunks of this planet's cultures and we damned well did it with some style”
― Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan, Vol. 2: Lust for Life

“The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.”
― Warren Ellis

“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky.”
― Alan Moore

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
― Alan Moore, Watchmen

“No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.”
― Alan Moore, Watchmen

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.”
― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

“All we ever see of stars are their old photographs.”
― Alan Moore, Watchmen

“None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with YOU. You're locked up in here with ME.”
― Alan Moore, Watchmen