Rime > Rime's Quotes

“If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I don't like lollipops.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.”
― Eion Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
Foaly's head poked through the doorway.
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“So, what did you get for me?"
Angeline paused for a beat. "Jeans."
"What?" croaked Artemis.
"And a T-shirt.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."
Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.
"I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“Jon Spiro had not hired Pex and Chips for their debating sills. In the job interview, they had only been set one task. A hundred applicants were handed a walnut and asked to smash it however they could. Only two succeeded. Pex had shouted at the walnut for a few minutes, then flattened it between his giant palms. Chips had opted for a more controversial method. He placed the walnut on the table, grabbed is interviewer by the ponytail, and used the man's forehead to smash the nut. Both men were hired on the spot. They quickly established themselves as Arno Blunt's most reliable leiutenants for in-house work. They were not allowed outside Chicago, as this could involve map reading, something Pex and Chips were not very good at.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Artemis simple-toon”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“Maybe I owe you something too, human," she said, drawing her pistol. Butler almost reacted, but decided to give Holly the benefit of the doubt.

Captain Short plucked a gold coin from her belt, flicking it fifty feet into the moonlit sky. With one fluid movement, she brought her weapon up and loosed a single blast. The coin rose another fifty feet, then spun earthward. Artemis somehow managed to snatch it from the air. The first cool movement of his young life.

"Nice shot," he said. The previously solid disk now had a tiny hole in the center.

Holly held out her hand, revealing the still raw scar on her finger. "If it wasn't for you, I would have missed altogether. No mech-digit can replicate that kind of accuracy. So, thank you too, I suppose."

Artemis held out the coin.

"No," said Holly. "You keep it, to remind you."

"To remind me?"

Holly stared at him frankly. "To remind you that deep beneath the layers of deviousness, you have a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on that spark occasionally."

Artemis closed his fingers around the coin. It was warm against his palm.

"Yes, perhaps.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really feeling it. It shouldn't be "Who do we hate?", he thought, it really should be "whom", but this probably wasn't a good time to bring that up. ”
― Eoin Colfer

“You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Now I can do the bolts," she slurred. "I've been trying to focus enough magic all week."
The magic shifted and swirled, finally etching a picture in the air. It was a rough picture of Foaly, and he was laughing.
I hate you, centaur!" screamed Opal, lunging toward, and then through, the insubstantial image. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and then she collapsed, snoring, on the floor.
Artemis straightened his tie.
Freud, he was certain, would have a field day with that.”
― Eoin Colfer

“Earth,” he began, ignoring the impulse to open his notes folder and count the words. He knew this lecture by heart.
“Our home. She feeds us, she shelters us. Her gravity prevents us from flying off into space and freezing, before thawing out again and being crisped by the sun, none of which really matters, as we would have long since asphyxiated.” Artemis paused for laughter and was surprised when it did not arrive. “That was a little joke. I read in a presentation manual that a joke often serves to break the ice. And I actually worked icebreaking into the joke, so there were layers to my humor.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”
“Cheese made by dwarfs.”
“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”
“No. What a horrible thought.”
“Exactly.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex