Mr. Black > Mr.'s Quotes

“Opinions are like nipples, everybody has one. Some have firm points, others are barely discernible through layers, and some are displayed at every opportunity regardless of whether the audience has stated "I am interested in your nipples" or not.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground

“I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism.”
― David Thorne

“While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out, and I am not a fan of carrying anything. Even watching other people carrying things makes me uncomfortable. Mainly because of the possibility they may ask me to help.”
― David Thorne

“In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically every living creature there can kill you in under three minutes. Our primary spoken language is screaming.”
― David Thorne

“I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense. Discipline is the key to conformity, and it is important that we learn not to question authority at an early age.”
― David Thorne

“I do not own any camping gear, but this is not a problem, as I have watched every season of Survivor.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“Instead of finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the sidewalk at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident reports 'Cause of accident?' I stated, 'time travel attempt' but she wrote down 'stupidity'.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“It is not necessary to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Charity is detrimental unless it helps the recipient become independent of it.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“The four seasons in Australia consist of "fuck it's hot," "Can you believe how fucking hot it is?", "I won't be in today because it is too fucking hot" and "Yes, the dinner plate size spiders come inside to escape from the heat. That is a fucking whopper though.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense.”
― David Thorne

“How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to e-mail you the remaining eighty-six photos of my dog dressed as a bear?”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“Is the guy in the wheelchair in Glee acting or is he a real parallelogram?”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Copywriting basically consists of taking something dreadful, putting it in a box with a shiny ribbon, and presenting it to someone. Any disappointment the recipient has upon opening the box is entirely due to their own high expectations and therefore their fault.”
― David Thorne, Look Evelyn, Duck Dynasty Wiper Blades. We Should Get Them

“should check the Internet and make sure everything on there is correct.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“I was commissioned to write copy for an annual publication produced by Top Tourist Parks of Australia. After a print run of seventy-five thousand and distribution throughout Australia and New Zealand, it was discovered that I had left the letter v out of the word 'dive' and the introduction for a family beach resort activity read, "Die with your children. A new world awaits.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Like a priest carrying home their first computer after hearing about child pornography on the internet, I was practically foaming at the mouth in anticipation during the drive to the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground

“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying anything.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground

“If people were meant to talk about feelings, they’d be called talkings.”
― David Thorne, Look Evelyn, Duck Dynasty Wiper Blades. We Should Get Them

“If you had managed to persuade my mother not to procreate, I would not exist to send you the plans for constructing your own time machine in which to travel back in time to persuade my mother not to procreate. Apparently, this is known as a pair of ducks.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“the old man dance, where I tense up, shuffle my feet intermittently, complain about the music volume, and sit down for a rest.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius