Andrew > Andrew's Quotes

“It was probably a good idea to have you possible future stepmother think you were a little nuts. It would keep her on her toes and dissuade her from trying to sit down and have touchy-feely talks. Not that she expected that from Julia. Julia looked like she might head-butt people in meetings.”
― Maureen Johnson

“An overseer called him a traitor, and Rytlock killed him. That's how he became an overseer. Later, a legionnaire called him a deserter, and Rytlock killed him as well. That's how he became a legionnaire.”
― J. Robert King, Edge of Destiny

“The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Key to the Golden Firebird

“I have no phobias. Phobias are irrational. My fears are rational and CAREFULLY CULTIVATED, like roses.”
― Maureen Johnson

“You could wear the same outfit every single day and no guy - who isn't gay - will notice.”
― Maureen Johnson, Suite Scarlett

“Stuart must have sensed my despair from the way I began lightly banging my forehead on the table.”
― Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances

“I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.”
― Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances

“The truth was that she had managed to betray everyone by doing nothing. No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Not cheating on a non-boyfriend with the non-boyfriend of a friend. The pressure of thinking that one through made her swollen body ache.”
― Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea

“She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.”
― Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
― Douglas Adams

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“You live and learn. At any rate, you live.”
― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
― Douglas Adams

“Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist,'" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position of thinking it's pretty damn complicated in the first place.”
― Douglas Adams

“If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.”
― Douglas Adams

“We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“Life is wasted on the living.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The bird that would soar above the plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. ”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency