Eva Krempuš > Eva's Quotes

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”
― Jarod Kintz

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?" And that answer, I'm afraid, is silence.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I'd have 50 cents. That's assuming drag queens are half price.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

“In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale