Josh N > Josh's Quotes

“Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I can't wait till I have grandchildren. When I was younger, I had to walk to the rim of a crater. Uphill! In an EVA suit! On Mars, ya little shit! Ya hear me? Mars!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“He’s stuck out there. He thinks he’s totally alone and that we all gave up on him. What kind of effect does that have on a man’s psychology?” He turned back to Venkat. “I wonder what he’s thinking right now.”

LOG ENTRY: SOL 61 How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals! Makes no sense.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“LOG ENTRY: SOL 381 I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars.

Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.

There’s an international treaty saying no country can lay claim to anything that’s not on Earth. And by another treaty, if you’re not in any country’s territory, maritime law applies.

So Mars is “international waters.”

NASA is an American nonmilitary organization, and it owns the Hab. So while I’m in the Hab, American law applies. As soon as I step outside, I’m in international waters. Then when I get in the rover, I’m back to American law.

Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission.

That makes me a pirate!

A space pirate!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“The screen went black before I was out of the airlock. Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off. Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“[11:49] JPL: What we can see of your planned cut looks good. We’re assuming the other side is identical. You’re cleared to start drilling.
[12:07] Watney: That’s what she said.
[12:25] JPL: Seriously, Mark? Seriously?”
― Andy Weir

“Once I got home, I sulked for a while. All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).”
― Andy Weir , The Martian

“My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“Gay probe coming to save me. Got it.”
― Andy Weir, The Martian

“And like most of her peers, Barbara Ann has a French postal worker's sense of divine entitlement when it comes to her hours.”
― Rob Reid, Year Zero

“I used to think that English-speaking who conveniently look, dress, and act human only turned up in lazy science fiction. But as Carly and Frampton dematerialized, I became grimly aware of how well they'd also fit into a psychotic hallucination.”
― Rob Reid, Year Zero

“Clippy got that pervert-on-the-playground look again..”
― Rob Reid, Year Zero

“O’Sama.”
― Rob Reid, Year Zero

“Now, I’ve never heard a rabid hyena shriek from rectal acid burns. But I’ll bet that sounds a lot like Mllsh-mllsh introducing a guest.”
― Rob Reid, Year Zero

“He had spent a lot of time thinking about himself, and had come to the conclusion that he was definitely not self-absorbed.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“One voice at the back said something about her weighing the same as a duck, but nobody was in the mood.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“You see, faith doesn’t have to make sense. If it did, it wouldn’t be faith, it would be logic.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He knew that the things the file allowed him to do would seem like magic to anyone who witnessed them. If he was going to escape to a point in the past, it should be a time when magic was believed to exist. That way, instead of people yelling, “Magic! It must be some kind of trick! Let’s beat him until he tells us the secret,” hopefully they would yell, “Magic! I’ve heard of that! I’ve never seen it in person, though!” The trick was finding a time and place where the next sentence wouldn’t be “Let’s burn him!”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“She swore me and Jimmy to secrecy because a female wizard is called a witch, and the locals have something of an attitude about witches.” Heads nodded in agreement. One voice at the back said something about her weighing the same as a duck, but nobody was in the mood.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Okay. Apprentice, I command you to…think! Being a man of action is fine, but you need to think before you act.” “That’s.…” Phillip held up a hand. “Stop! Did you think about what you’re about to say?” “No.” “Then take a moment. Think about what you were going to say, what you have riding on my continued good will, and how I’m likely to react to the words you were about to let fall from your mouth like a partially chewed mouthful of spoiled cheese.” They stood in silence for a moment as the pedestrians passed them by. Finally Phillip broke the silence. “Have you thought about it?” “Yes.” “Do you still intend to say whatever it was?” “No.” “Excellent! You have pleased me, my apprentice! Well done! I’m delighted at the prospect of all the marvelous things you’re not going to say in the future! You know, the less you talk, the more people assume that what you’re not saying is important.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard