Jessica > Jessica's Quotes

“I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“If we want people to fully show up, to bring their whole selves including their unarmored, whole hearts—so that we can innovate, solve problems, and serve people—we have to be vigilant about creating a culture in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Daring leaders work to make sure people can be themselves and feel a sense of belonging.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those who dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Only when diverse perspectives are included, respected, and valued can we start to get a full picture of the world:”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“the only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

“Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Don't grab hurtful comments and pull them close to you by rereading them and ruminating on them. Don't play with them by rehearsing your badass comeback. And whatever you do, don't pull hatefulness close to your heart.

Let what's unproductive and hurtful drop at the feet of your unarmored self. And no matter how much your self-doubt wants to scoop up the criticism and snuggle with the negativity so it can confirm its worst fears, or how eager the shame gremlins are to use the hurt to fortify your armor, take a deep breath and find the strength to leave what's mean-spirited on the ground. You don't even need to stomp it or kick it away.

Cruelty is cheap, easy, and chickenshit. It doesn't deserve your energy or engagement. Just step over the comments and keep daring, always remembering that armor is too heavy a price to pay to engage with cheap-seat feedback.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

“So often, when someone is in pain, we’re afraid to say, “Yes, this hurts. Yes, this is a big deal. Yes, this sucks.” We think our job is to make things better, so we minimize the pain.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, our little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“The Ham-Foldover Debacle:.....you make yourself the center of something that has nothing to do with you, out of your own fear or scarcity, only to be reminded that you're not the axis over which the world turns”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

“We asked a thousand leaders to list marble-earning behaviors—what do your team members do that earns your trust? The most common answer: asking for help. When it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help. Mind. Blown.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“If you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“In the end, the cure for numbing is developing tools and practices that allow you to lean into discomfort and renew your spirit.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Self-compassion is an easy list to write, and a hard list to live. For me, it’s all about sleep, healthy food, exercise, and connection. It’s what I mentioned in the concussion story—the best predictor of living into my values is being in physical, spiritual, and emotional shape.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“I always bring my core values to feedback conversations. I specifically bring courage, which means that I don’t choose comfort over being respectful and honest—choosing politeness over respect is not respectful.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“One of the signature mistakes with empathy is that we believe we can take our lenses off and look through the lenses of someone else. We can’t. Our lenses are soldered to who we are. What we can do, however, is honor people’s perspectives as truth even when they’re different from ours. That’s a challenge if you were raised in majority culture—white, straight, male, middle-class, Christian—and you were likely taught that your perspective is the correct perspective and everyone else needs to adjust their lens. Or, more accurately, you weren’t taught anything about perspective taking, and the default—My truth is the truth—is reinforced by every system and situation you encounter.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Perfectionism is addictive, because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right. Perfectionism actually sets”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“At work, foreboding joy often shows up in more subtle and pernicious ways. It shows up by making us hesitant to celebrate victories, for two primary reasons. The first is that we’re afraid if we celebrate with our team, or have a moment where we just breathe, we’re inviting disaster and something will go wrong. You can likely identify with that feeling of getting a project up and out the door and then refusing to celebrate it with high-fives because you think, We can’t celebrate right now because we don’t know if it’s going to be perfect, we don’t know if it’s going to work, we don’t know if the site will stay up… The second way foreboding joy shows up at work is withholding recognition. We don’t want our employees to get too excited because there’s still so much work to be done. We don’t want them to take their foot off the gas, to get complacent. So we don’t celebrate achievements. We think we’ll do it someday, but these same factors persist in the wake of joy. This is how foreboding joy shows up at the office, and it is a costly mistake.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“For me, that strong back is grounded confidence and boundaries. The soft front is staying vulnerable and curious. The mark of a wild heart is living out these paradoxes in our lives and not giving into the either/or BS that reduces us. It’s showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, and, above all else, being both fierce and kind.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“acknowledge and reward great questions and instances of “I don’t know, but I’d like to find out” as daring leadership behaviors. The big shift here is from wanting to “be right” to wanting to “get it right.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Researchers Tamara Ferguson, Heidi Eyre, and Michael Ashbaker have found that “unwanted identity” is one of the primary elicitors of shame. They explain that unwanted identities are characteristics that undermine our vision of our ideal selves.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“If we believe empathy is finite, like pizza, and practicing empathy with someone leaves fewer slices for others, then perhaps comparing levels of suffering would be necessary. Luckily, however, empathy is infinite and renewable. The more you give, the more we all have.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“know I’m living outside my values when I am…drum roll…this is a huge issue for me…resentful. Resentment is my barometer and my early warning system. It’s the canary in the coal mine. It shows up when I stay quiet in order not to piss off someone. It shows up when I put work before my well-being, and it blows the doors off the hinges when I’m not setting good boundaries.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“When he interviewed Stockdale, Collins asked him, “Who didn’t make it out?” Stockdale replied, “Oh, that’s easy. The optimists.” Stockdale explained that the optimists would believe they’d be out by Christmas, and Christmas would come and go. Then they would believe they’d be out by Easter, and that date would come and go. And the years would tick by like that. He explained to Collins, “They died of a broken heart.” Stockdale told Collins, “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” We named this third key learning gritty faith and gritty facts, and today we all work to take responsibility for both dreaming and reality-checking those dreams with facts. When stress is high, we can still find ourselves slipping into some of these patterns, especially failing to communicate all of these pieces and to maintain connective tissue. What’s powerful about doing this work is that we now recognize it very quickly and we can name it. Once that happens, we know what rumble needs to happen and why. At the end of the meeting, I apologized for offloading my emotions on them. And, of equal importance, I made a commitment to make good on that apology by”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“In some situations we had to self-protect to stay physically or emotionally safe. Vulnerability is the greatest casualty of trauma. When we’re raised in unsafe environments, confronted with racism, violence, poverty, sexism, homophobia, and pervasive shaming, vulnerability can be life-threatening and armor is safety.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“In our political chaos, people throw around the word shameless when they see someone make a self-serving or unethical decision, and attributing unconscionable behavior to a lack of shame. This is wrong and dangerous. Shame isn’t the cure, it’s the cause. Don’t let what looks like a bloated ego and narcissism fool you into thinking there’s a lack of shame. Shame and fear are almost always driving that unethical behavior. We’re now seeing that shame often fuels narcissistic behavior. In fact, I define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“Shame is not a compass for moral behavior. It’s much more likely to drive destructive, hurtful, immoral, and self-aggrandizing behavior than it is to heal it. Why? Because where shame exists, empathy is almost always absent. That’s what makes shame dangerous. The opposite of experiencing shame is experiencing empathy. The behavior that many of us find so egregious today is more about people being empathyless, not shameless.”
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.