Sandy > Sandy's Quotes

“There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“Blessed are the dumbfucks.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Josh: "What is this thing?"
Gasper: "It's a Yeti. An abominable snowman."
Biff: "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep?"
Josh: "Not an abomination, abominable.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don't be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you've been traumatized.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.”
― Christopher Moore

“Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.”
― Christopher Moore, Island of the Sequined Love Nun

“That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.”
― Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue

“Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.”
― Christopher Moore, Fool

“Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.”
― Christopher Moore, Fool

“[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way."
-The Chronicles of Abby Normal”
― Christopher Moore, Bite Me

“You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems...”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror