Vlad > Vlad's Quotes

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
― Barney Stinson

“A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
― Barney Stinson

“Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.”
― Barney Stinson

“It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”
― Barney Stinson

“Suit up!”
― Barney Stinson

“Article 2: "A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today”
― Barney Stinson

“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”
― Barney Stinson

“Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome”
― Barney Stinson

“Article 24: "When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Article 100: "When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection."
Corollary: "If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall put his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull down to get a better look.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Dude.. where's your suit? Just once, when I say "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.”
― Barney Stinson

“A lie is just a really great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
― Barney Stinson

“Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.”
― Barney Stinson

“When I'm sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead! True Story...”
― Barney Stinson

“ARTICLE 54 A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty’s Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 2 A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 85 If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros. COROLLARY: His Bros are required to whistle, even if they have no idea what they’re whistling at.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince Of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without a doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided - oo la la! - to tell all.
All? Some. I'm toying with that for a title: Some. Got a post-millennial modestry to it, don't you think? Some. My side of the story. The funk. The jive. The boogie. The rock and roll. (I invented rock and roll. You wouldn't believe the things I've invented. Anal sex, obviously. Smoking. Astrology. Money...Let's save time: Everything in the world that distracts you from thinking about God. Which...pretty much...is everything in the world, isn't it? Gosh.)”
― Glen Duncan, I, Lucifer