Amanda Starr > Amanda's Quotes

“Startled as I awoke in an unfamiliar room... nothing special, just advertisements and fancy looking brochures that contain just enough words to grab a simple minds attention.

Empty chairs, existing for a purpose, stay vacant as punishment to the unseated who chose to stand when offered a conditional seat.

The walls are covered with breath taking pictures in broken frames. The same decor of many abandoned rooms from generations before.

The lights flicker as attemps are made to navigate around, never consistent enough to illuminate the dark. Just bright enough for the eyes to read the distinct exit sign.

Laughter and love echo behind the closed singular door. No access with pushing or pulling. Unwelcome mat under my feet. I heard a voice yell "stop knocking"

Adjusting to reality, the air becomes familiar, the same breath taken before. Back in the waiting room. Returning to the beginning for nothing.”
― Starr

“He had everything I was looking for, just unwilling to share. He had only enough left for the one. I was just another one.”
― Starr

“I want my illusion back, I want the feeling of hope to return because reality is too cruel without a maybe….

I want to look at you and feel home again, safe, protected, without fear, because right now I can’t sustain the elements without you as my armor……

I want you to be my sun again and warm my soul, because the light left with you and it’s getting cold, again….

I want my missing pieces back, the one’s you borrowed from me because I can’t make myself whole with what you left of me….”
― Starr

“A small ounce of hope, maliciously fed, caused all this destruction in my head.

He said only one word, just a small possibility….
It resuscitated the soul, without the blue prints to follow.

It seems he gave just enough for a taste but he willing starved me of dinner

The construction of an empire almost began on the false foundation he knowingly laid.”
― Starr

“I thought we were almost there but u knew it was never going there. I seen forever but u had an alarm set. I wanted all but u only liked parts. I felt the universe in u but u only feel earth In me. I drank ur soul but u only sipped my flesh. My mind became your protector but urs became my enemy.”
― Starr

“I asked the universe to teach me how to love and I was sent you.
I begged life for guidance and the light appeared as you lead.
I bargained with the creator to fix my broken parts and you gave me another chance without taking a new perception of me.
I pleaded with source to humble my ego and I heard raw pain in your 1st verbal warning, after my self-destruction recoiled.
I cried out to the void asking for genuine love & protection and you avoided my offering of me.
I demanded God to reassure me of my worth and you never looked back or returned to me.”
― Starr

“I feel like my soul was used, pillaged, penatrated to the core.. .. Destroyed beyond recognition......I can nolonger identify carnage engulfed in flames inside. ... I knew you took my heart, because it was yours to have, you could have left my soul, it had no value to you....”
― Starr

“I never want to be stationary again, I will never plant roots in a person, unless I can physically feel them breaking through the dirt and implanting deep within.

Leeching on to the blood supply of the human formation, while simultaneously becoming entangled in the edges of forever.

I will not give permit placement of my soul to anyone that has an underdeveloped heart with a wondering eye. The roots must have nurturing soil with space to spread.”
― Starr

“WHEN HE WON'T LOVE ME
I sit quietly here, still, frozen, a lifeless breathing corpse.
Inside, abandoned cries for love, ricochet deep in bones.

No words pass between my lips, nothing is uttered in protest or defense.
Inside, war is proclaimed between the ignorance of flesh and the knowledge of soul.

Eyes are fixed in place, to avoid meeting his in this vulnerable state.
Inside, is self torture, he is all I can see, no matter the position of eyelids.”
― Starr

“I hate you

I hate you because you won't love me.
I hate you because you can't love me.
I hate you because you don't love me.

I hate you because I will love you.
I hate you because I can love you.
I hate you because I do love you.”
― Starr

“MY GOD
His hand gripped perfectly around my throat as if it's home, while receiving the gift of my submission on arrival.

He places precise pressure, as air flow slowly dissipates in the depths of my anxious body.

The strength in his hand is accompanied by non-negotiable verbal orders to submit my thoughts to his mind.

His hand became God in that moment, able to take life or grant mercy, he chose to offer pleasure in exchange for control.”
― Starr

“I know I will never see that smile the same way again, it will never bring me instant comfort nor warm my soul the same again.

I know I will miss the flood of emotions that released for your touch to point of dehydration.

I will miss the small, pulsating, vibrations running through my body as your voice ricochet in my ear.

I will miss the beauty I saw in your pain as you took me on a journey through your soul, thu conversations

I will miss our inner child's spontaneous and planned play dates.

I will miss the silence in my mind commanded by you taking the lead.

I will miss daydreaming about loving you forever, because I still had an ounce of hope leftover after a lifetime of searching for you.

I will miss you forgiving me after, I recovered from a trigger, never appreciated the punishment that came with it tho.

I will miss not being able to protect your heart from the pain I recognize, that your ego guards from your souls innocents that your mind can't tolerate yet.

I will miss the feeling I felt knowing you could really be here with me forever because the exchange of laughter, wisdom and moments never ended.

I will miss loving the man you are now in life, because even without the potential I see, you are worthy just as you are

. I will miss things about you that you will never know, it was never about status or statuses

I didn't want the spotlight, I wanted to be behind the scenes. I just wanted to support and love you.

I wanted to guide you through parts of life that almost broke me, that I see you encountering.

I will miss having somewhere to pour almost all of me.

I will miss the possibility of being loved forever, I know I felt it though the roughness of your sore hands as I caressed trying to alleviate the pain.

I will miss your grumpy days and I still regret not knowing how to comfort you on the hardest ones.

I will miss who I sometimes selfishly dreamed I could be if you could just love me in the way I could feel.

I'd dream of waiting for u to get home, (its the one we talked about getting after winning the lottery)

. In that moment I swear it was the first time my soul wanted another day voluntarily.

I will miss you not understanding my text, but we would see eye to eye when they physically met.

I will miss you teaching me, and correcting me softly.

I will miss you being gentle, when I didn't even know I needed it. I know it was hard sometimes.

I will miss how you kept things together, always calm and steady, I was the complete opposite, clumsy and messy.

You were everything I wasn't, and I loved you for that the most.

I will miss thinking of you as my sun, and I will miss you calling me Starr

I will miss loving you beyond myself.

I will miss all those moments I wanted to pull u into me and just feel you and kiss you.

I wanted you all the time, it took so much to hold back from showing you, it was out of fear of rejection of not being enough.

I SHOULD of done it, would of got to this point faster.

I regret not loving you with all me authenticly.

I will miss what never was a friend, but everything I never had In one”
― Starr

“So this is it, after all the fight is gone.
After all the inner and outer battles are fought.
After all the tears have dropped and dried.
After all the lust and privilege to each others pleasure has been spent.
After our companies over stayed their welcome together.
After our conversations and laughter lost its potency.
After our hands lost the sensations of each others touch.
After our last three kisses.
After, after no explanation.
ANONYMOUS ”
― Starr

“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you, T.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.”
― George R.R. Martin

“Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now.”
― Nina Guilbeau, Too Many Sisters

“You can't just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different..”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”
― Confucius

“That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable.”
― Deb Caletti

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

“Like some wines our love could neither mature nor travel.”
― Graham Greene, The Comedians

“It’s amazing what a fresh pair of eyes can see.”
― Jacqueline Francis - Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget

“I'm forgetting so many things about you, I swear, I can't even remember how those butterflies felt with just the sight, or sound of you.
The memory of feeling complete calmness because you always rescued me, from my chaotic thoughts, is almost a distant remembrance.
I can't recall, which time you didn't speak up when I begged for words, caused these cuts in my heart, that now bares very fragile stitching borrowed from my self worth.
ANONYMOUS ”
― Starr

“I don't know what or who we are. Days I feel like a human being, while other days I feel like a sound. I touch the world not as myself but as an echo of who I was.”
― Ocean Vuong

“I was a cloud stuck inside a person I didn't choose to be.”
― Cyrus Grace Dunham, A Year Without a Name: A Memoir

“I keep finding the ashes of the man I unequivocally loved, everywhere.
Everytime, I go to bed, they are displaced about my covers when memories flood back in my mind.
When I glance at my skin, the ashes are smeared on my skin like hand prints from a tragic crime scene.
When you cross my mind, the ashes of moments of intimacy fall to my heart, my body forcefully expell them through my lungs and tear ducts.
The ashes spew out in an eruption of utter chaos. The ashes block out my perception of love and self value. My sight is distorted to truth and trust. The particles of ashe prevent me from forgetting.

ANONYMOUS”
― Starr.

“Wanting him to come back before anyone notices part of the world has not moved since he left.”
― Brian Andreas

“Regrets

Timing is irrelevant when two people are meant for each other. It's what I once believed.

But we met during a time when I was such a mess, when I still had so much to figure out. How could I have known how crucial every word, every action was or how losing you would be something I would always regret?

If only you could have met me now, how different it would be. How much I have changed. How I have grown. I learned so much from all the mistakes I made with you. I just wish I had made them with someone else.”
― Lang Leav, Lullabies (Volume 2)

“Good dog is no different than a good man and a bad man is no different than a bad dog!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan