Hansel > Hansel's Quotes

“This morning he told everyone that he’s a “big boy” and he’s giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash. Clap clap Clap clap Well, that New Year’s resolution didn’t even last a full minute. suck suck suck The only person in my family who didn’t come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that’s a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“I'm basically one of the best people I know.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.
But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.
Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."
That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist?

Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!”
― Jeff Kinney, Rodrick Rules

“I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.”
― Jeff Kinney

“Loded Diaper”
― Jeff Kinney

“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”
― Jeff Kinney, Rodrick Rules

“that if you don't read nobody does”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it”
― Jeff Kinney, Cabin Fever

“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”
― Jeff Kinney, Rodrick Rules

“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”
― Jeff Kinney, Rodrick Rules

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”
― Jeff Kinney

“First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.”
― Jeff Kinney

“YO MOMMA”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, Cabin Fever

“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”
― Jeff Kinney

“For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Ugly Truth

“See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Ugly Truth

“Zoo-Wee Mama!”
― Jeff Kinney

“So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.”
― Jeff Kinney, Dog Days

“The best person I know is Myself.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!
Sincerely, Greg”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid