Joseph Mitchell > Joseph's Quotes

“You really should do some research for a change instead of just listening to the voices in your head.”
― John Ringo

“Shall I show him in or tell him to go find a short and unpleasant route to hell?”
― John Ringo, There Will Be Dragons

“I have been to the speed of God, sir...and I discommend it.”
― John Ringo, A Hymn Before Battle

“Too many people live the lives other people think they ought to, following orders they don't agree with, for causes they don't believe in. They live lives that don't matter, that touch no one and change nothing. For better or worse, you and I stared evil in the eye and didn't flinch. We raised our swords and went to war, and even if we didn't win we kicked some ass along the way. We made a difference, and that's all any man can ask.”
― Simon R. Green, Deathstalker

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.”
― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing: Releasing the Creative Genius Within You

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
― Johnny Depp

“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
― Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin

“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
― Elbert Hubbard

“Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...”
― Terry Pratchett

“One more dance along the razor's edge finished. Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today.”
― Robert Jordan, Lord of Chaos

“I'm a gambler, a farmboy, and I'm here to take command of your bloody army!

--Mat Cauthon”
― Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

“I've seen men die because they were sure that what should not happen,would not.
-Robert Jordan(The eye of the world,Wheel of time)”
― Robert Jordan

“Dance with me, Death, I am ready.”
― Terry Goodkind, Stone of Tears

“I cannot go to school today"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox.

And there's one more - that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,
It might be the instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke.
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in.

My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My toes are cold, my toes are numb,

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There's a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...
What? What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is .............. Saturday?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!”
― Shel Silverstein

“Kill a man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god.”
― Jean Rostand

“The prince is never going to come. Everyone knows that; and maybe sleeping beauty's dead.”
― Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
― George Orwell

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.”
― Stephen King, Night Shift

“If you run from me, I will chase you, and I'll find you....”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.”
― Garrison Keillor

“Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“Real magic can never be made by offering someone else's liver. You must tear out your own, and not expect to get it back.”
― Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn

“What girls do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close.”
― Tori Amos, Tori Amos: Piece by Piece