Jeffery Moore > Jeffery's Quotes

“Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.”
― Richard P. Feynman

“Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!”
― George Bernard Shaw

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
― Barbara Bush

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”
― Joan Rivers

“And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

“Sex, whatever else it is, is an athletic skill. The more you practice, the more you can, the more you want to, the more you enjoy it, the less it tires you.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, The Cat Who Walks Through Walls

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin

“We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the
one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.”
― Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

“Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

“If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!”
― Craig Ferguson

“Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

“In all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you're having a good time."

"I'll make sure you're having a good time, and that you're okay with everything. I just won't be well mannered about it.”
― Samantha Young, On Dublin Street

“My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere”
― Helen Gurley Brown

“A gentleman holds my hand.
A man pulls my hair.
A soulmate will do both.”
― Alessandra Torre

“If a man is highly sexed he's virile.
If a woman is, she's a nymphomaniac.
With them it's power
but with us it's a disease!
Even the act of sex is called penetration!
Why don't they call it enclosure?”
― Gemma Hatchback

“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”
― John Barrymore

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
― George Burns

“If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
― George Burns

“Geniuses and supergeniuses always make their own rules about sex as on everything else; they do not accept the monkey customs of their lessers.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

“Sex isn't good unless it means something. It doesn't necessarily need to mean "love" and it doesn't necessarily need to happen in a relationship, but it does need to mean intimacy and connection...There exists a very fine line between being sexually liberated and being sexually used.”
― Laura Sessions Stepp, Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both

“Marriage isn't a love affair. It isn't even a honeymoon. It's a job. A long hard job, at which both partners have to work, harder than they've worked at anything in their lives before. If it's a good marriage, it changes, it evolves, but it does on getting better. I've seen it with my own mother and father. But a bad marriage can dissolve in a welter of resentment and acrimony. I've seen that, too, in my own miserable and disastrous attempt at making another person happy. And it's never one person's fault. It's the sum total of a thousand little irritations, disagreements, idiotic details that in a sound alliance would simply be disregarded, or forgotten in the healing act of making love. Divorce isn't a cure, it's a surgical operation, even if there are no children to consider.”
― Rosamunde Pilcher, Wild Mountain Thyme

“Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting.”
― Allan Sherman

“Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it. ”
― Richard P. Feynman

“She tasted sweet, like oranges, liquid sunshine in my mouth as we kissed, our tongues playing together.”
― Selena Kitt, A Baumgartner Reunion

“Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.”
― Matt Groening, Childhood Is Hell

“Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.”
― Mark Twain

“Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.”
― John Callahan