Edgar Oliver > Edgar's Quotes

“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”
― Jarod Kintz

“Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Goodbyes, they often come in waves.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“When I meet a European, the first thing I say is, “I’d much rather watch football than football.” But I’m just teasing them, and they know I’d really rather watch football than football.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.