Joy > Joy's Quotes

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you’re a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you’re a vegetarian.”
― Dennis Wholey

“An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolutely bally insult like the above.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I like the crackling logs, the shaded lights, the scent of buttered toast, the general atmosphere of leisured cosiness.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

“What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, My Man Jeeves

“It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Jeeves in the Morning

“He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Carry On, Jeeves

“Every day you seem to know less and less about more and more”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“She's a sort of human vampire-bat”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.”
― p g wodehouse

“As Shakespeare says, if you're going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!

“Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Moonshine

“This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist. . . . Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide. . . .

Cuthbert was an optimist at heart, and it seemed to him that, at the rate at which the inhabitants of that interesting country were murdering one another, the supply of Russian novelists must eventually give out.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Most of P.G. Wodehouse

“Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.”
― p g wodehouse

“It was a silver cow. But when I say 'cow', don't go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster such as you may observe loading grass into itself in the nearest meadow. This was a sinister, leering, Underworld sort of animal, the kind that would spit out of the side of its mouth for twopence.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

“One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth,”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Beginning with a critique of my own limbs, which she said, justly enough, were nothing to write home about, this girl went on to dissect my manners, morals, intellect, general physique, and method of eating asparagus with such acerbity that by the time she had finished the best you could say of Bertram was that, so far as was known, he had never actually committed murder or set fire to an orphan asylum.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, My Man Jeeves

“As I stood in my lonely bedroom at the hotel, trying to tie my white tie myself, it struck me for the first time that there must be whole squads of chappies in the world who had to get along without a man to look after them. I'd always thought of Jeeves as a kind of natural phenomenon; but, by Jove! of course, when you come to think of it, there must be quite a lot of fellows who have to press their own clothes themselves and haven't got anybody to bring them tea in the morning, and so on. It was rather a solemn thought, don't you know. I mean to say, ever since then I've been able to appreciate the frightful privations the poor have to stick.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, My Man Jeeves

“I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves, I said, but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“Jeeves, I'm engaged."
"I hope you will be very happy, sir."
"Don't be an ass. I'm engaged to Miss Bassett.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
With a hey-nonny-nonny
And a hot cha-cha.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“No novelists any good except me. Sovietski -- yah! Nastikoff -- bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“What are the chances of a cobra biting Harold, Jeeves?"
"Slight, I should imagine, sir. And in such an event, knowing the boy as intimately as I do, my anxiety would be entirely for the snake.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, P.G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters