Mariana > Mariana's Quotes

“I've had a very sheltered life. What can happen to you if you stay home writing all day?”
― R. L. Stine

“Read. Read. Read. Just don't read one type of book. Read different books by various authors so that you develop different style.”
― R.L. Stine

“Many adults feel that every children's book has to teach them something.... My theory is a children's book... can be just for fun.”
― R.L. Stine

“And just then Damon stepped out of the coat closet, and at the same time Aunt Maggie tripped him neatly and said, “Bathroom door beside you,” and picked up a vase and hit the rising Damon over the head with it. Hard.”
― L.J. Smith, Nightfall

“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was...Dumbledore!”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then . . . he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?”
― Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal

“You have to breathe," Sage was shouting in Damon's ear. "Take a breath, as if you were going to speak, but then hold onto it, as if raising your Power.Think about your insides. Get those lungs working!"
The words confused Elena.
"There!" cried Sage. "You see?"
"But it only lasts an instant. Then I need to do it again."
"But, yes, that is the point!"
"I tell you I'm dying and you laugh at me?" a disheveled Damon shouted. "I'm blind, deaf, my senses are haywire-and you laugh!”
― L.J. Smith, Shadow Souls

“Sheriff Mossberg was one of those people who never stop speaking until
they are finished, so by this time he was saying: “Do you understand
these rights?”
“No, sir! Mi ne komprenas Dumbtalk!”
― L.J. Smith, Shadow Souls

“ I don't make love. I fuck... hard”
― E.L. James

“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I meant by that. Trust me, none of them would ever want to fuck you anyway. They're gay, not blind.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Telemarketer Phone Calls
“Hello?…Fuck you.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Sharing
“I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then you can’t play with it. It’s his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be an asshole—you just shouldn’t use that right very often.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Friendship
“You got good friends. I like them. I don’t think they would fuck your girlfriend, if you had one.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Democracy ain't so fun when it fucks you.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Furnishing One’s Home
“Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Who's going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands. Humansh*t. I don't know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it's an indicator that maybe the whole responsibility thing isn't for them. -Dad”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“One day I was on a walk with him and my dog, Angus, who was sniffing around in a bush outside a neighbor’s house. My dad turned to me and said, “Look at the dog’s asshole.”
“What? Why?”
“You can tell by the dilation of his asshole that he’s going to shit soon. See. There it goes.”
It was at that moment, as my dog emptied his bowels in my neighbor’s yard and my dad stood there proudly watching his prediction come true, that I realized how wise, even prophetic, he really is.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On the Television Show The X-Files “So, the woman and the dopey-looking guy screw, and then they look for aliens—or they just screw and sometimes aliens follow them?”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On My Trip to Europe “I know you think you’re going to get all kinds of laid. It’s not a magic place, it’s the same as here. Don’t be stupid.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Los Angeles is like San Diego’s older, uglier sister that has herpes.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats “Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says