Beckie > Beckie's Quotes

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#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148391 likes

#2

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
― Benjamin Franklin Wade

tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology

19852 likes

#3

“One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don't throw it away.”
― Stephen Hawking

tags: philosophy, science

8639 likes

#4

“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

tags: boggs, finnick, funny, humour, hunger-games, katniss, mockingjay, odair, suzanne-collins, witty

9271 likes

#5

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

tags: funny

6899 likes

#6

“They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

6221 likes

#7

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: funny

5183 likes

#8

“I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."
"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

tags: funny, humor

3156 likes

#9

“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

tags: funny, humor, prank

3098 likes

#10

“Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

tags: funny, humor, humour, internet, john-green, pedophile, pedophilia, tfios, the-fault-in-our-stars

2779 likes

#11

“Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)”
― Rick Riordan

tags: annabeth-chase, athena, funny, humor, myth, mythology, olympians, percy-jackson, posiedon, the-lightning-thief, zeus

2759 likes

#12

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

tags: christina, divergent, funny, humor, tris, veronica-roth

2421 likes

#13

“But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: celebrity, dumbledore, fame, funny

2318 likes

#14

“Don’t put your wand there, boy!” roared Moody. “What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!” “Who d’you know who’s lost a buttock?” the violet-haired woman asked Mad-Eye interestedly. “Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!” growled Mad-Eye. “Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it anymore . . .” He stumped off toward the kitchen. “And I saw that,” he added irritably, as the woman rolled her eyes at the ceiling.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: funny, wizards

2039 likes

#15

“aren't you, uh... reproducing?

"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: city-of-bones, funny

1720 likes

#16

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
― Isaac Asimov

2027 likes

#17

“You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

1657 likes

#18

“I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, humor, lambada, magnus-bane, mark-of-cain, simon-lewis, the-mortal-instruments

1442 likes

#19

“I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

tags: fire, funny, humor, powers, the-lost-hero

1263 likes

#20

“Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.”
― John Green

tags: funny, harry-potter, reality

1165 likes

#21

“That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: family, forbidden-love, funny

992 likes

#22

“She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

tags: funny

786 likes

#23

“Take off your shirt."
Jace raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning."
"Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, clary-fray, funny, humor, jace-lightwood, jace-wayland, naked-chest, shirt, swooning, the-mortal-instruments

829 likes

#24

“Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

tags: bat, funny, team, truck

908 likes

#25

“We were kissing.
I thought: This is good.
I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.
I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.
Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

tags: funny

710 likes

#26

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

tags: coach-hedge, funny, humor

844 likes

#27

“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
― Jon Stewart

tags: canada, funny

703 likes

#28

“The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up"
"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"
"And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

tags: blood-traitors, death-eaters, funny, humor, muggle-born, muggles, wizards

695 likes

#29

“A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.”
― Harry Styles

tags: cute, fun, funny, romantic

684 likes

#30

“She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.”
― Gayle Forman, If I Stay

tags: bitch, funny, if-i-stay

583 likes

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