Gabbie > Gabbie's Quotes

“When God hands you a gift, you don’t push it away and tell him ‘later'.”
― Jamie Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“Raven, a little later we can play Titanic" he calls over his shoulder. "I'll yell iceberg and you can go down.”
― Jamie Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“The best thing that ever happened to me shows up in coveralls and a pair of Chucks when I least expect it. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her.”
― Jamie Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“I almost lost you."
"No, never. I would've fought. However long it took. I'd never give up until I was free. You're my life, Jonah. My family, my love, my best friend. Nothing, not even destiny, could keep me from you."
He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.
"Okay.”
― Jamie Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“You kick ass with a microwave, baby. Don’t sell yourself short.”
― J.B. Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“Sanity gone, fan-girl lust-buckets owning and operating my mind, I bite back an audible swoon.”
― Jamie Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“Surviving is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something to be proud of.”
― J.B. Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“Tears born of laughter feel so much better than those born from pain.”
― J.B. Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“The guy’s operation was locked up tighter than a Royce Gracie shoulder hold. This little situation was the Golden Goose taking a big fat dump right in their laps.”
― J.B. Salsbury, Fighting for Flight

“And let’s face it people, no one is ever honest with you about child birth. Not even your mother.       “It’s a pain you forget all about once you have that sweet little baby in your arms.”     Bullshit.   I CALL BULLSHIT.   Any friend, cousin, or nosey-ass stranger in the grocery store that tells you it’s not that bad is a lying sack of shit.   Your vagina is roughly the size of the girth of a penis.   It has to stretch and open andturn into a giant bat cave so the life-sucking human you’ve been growing for nine months can angrily claw its way out.   Who in their right mind would do that willingly?   You’re just walking along one day and think to yourself, “You know, I think it’s time I turn my vagina into an Arby’s Beef and Cheddar (minus the cheddar) and saddle myself down for a minimum of eighteen years to someone who will suck the soul and the will to live right out of my body so I’m a shell of the person I used to be and can’t get laid even if I pay for it.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I'm a quirky, intelligent, dark haired chick!   Me, me, me, pick me!   And who the hell keeps whining and ruining my perfect moment?   I will cut a bitch.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they cut your wiener,” Gavin sang as he pointed his gun at random objects.
“Wow, cops have gotten pretty hardcore lately” Carter muttered.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I had been out of the game for too long. I couldn’t even get drunk and flirt anymore. I could however, get drunk and look like a stroke victim.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Holy shit, did they just kill off that fish’s wife?” I blurted in shock.
“Yep,” Gavin replied. “That big, mean fish ated her.”
He said it so calmly – like it was no big deal that a sweet, loving cartoon fish just got murdered. What the fuck was wrong with this movie? This couldn’t be appropriate for kids. I didn’t think it was appropriate for me.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis’s voice like in Look Who’s Talking. “Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“All the baby books written by women who had the most perfect birth experience in the world said you should talk to your child in the womb. That was about the only piece of advice I took from those things. Every day I told him if he ruined my vagina I would video tape his birth and show all his future girlfriends what happened to your who-ha when you had sex, ensuring that he will never, ever get laid.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I remember that night fondly. And by fondly, I mean with bitter resentment toward all things alcoholic and with a penis.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I shouldn't be allowed to think when I'm drinking.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol?”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“No one likes an ugly crier. It's uncomfortable for all parties involved.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I was going to have to tell people I got fired from selling dildos. I can't even sell fake cocks to a room full or horny women. How do you come back from that shit?”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Seriously? There was a condom brand called Rough Rider? Why not just go with F**k Her Hard and be done with it?”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Give me a cat over a kid any day.   You can open up a bag of Meow Mix, plop it down on the floor next to a bucket of water, go on vacation for a week, and come home to an animal that is so busy licking it’s own ass that it has no idea you were even gone.   You can’t do that with a kid.   Well, I guess you could, but I’m sure it’s frowned upon in most circles.   And if my kid could lick his own ass, I’d have saved a shit load of money on diapers, I can tell you that.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I turned around to see Jim standing in the aisle with a smirk and a box of tampons in his hand.
“Very funny asshole. Looks like you’re on the rag this week. Make sure to get yourself some Midol and a copy of Terms of Endearment so you can have yourself a good cry.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Money can't buy happiness but it can buy chocolate, which is kind of the same thing.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“He was so pretty I wanted to frame him and put him on my nightstand in a totally non-creepy, non-Hannibal Lector skin-suit-wearing kind of way.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“What are you smiling about? Do you have gas?" Drew joked.
"Hey, Mommy, Carter has a HUGE wiener," Gavin said around a mouthful of cookie, holding his
hands up in the air about three feet apart, like you do when you're telling someone how big the fish is you
just caught.
Claire quickly reached over and pushed Gavin's arms down while everyone else at the table laughed.
I just sat back and smiled and tried to keep my anaconda penis tucked under the table so it wouldn't scare
anyone.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“God said "Let there be light" and George morgan flipped the switch.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks