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#1

“Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”
Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”
“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: funny, ghost, jesper, six-of-crows

4160 likes

#2

“When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm."
"I'm going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me."
"Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what the big players do.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: jesper, kaz, rich

497 likes

#3

“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?"
"Guns?" asked Jesper.
"Ships?" queried Inej.
"Bombs?" suggested Wylan.
"Political bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom

tags: crooked-kingdom, friendship, humor, inej, jesper, kaz, matthias, nina, wylan

1467 likes

#4

“You were early, Jesper,” Kaz said as he nudged Matthias towards the boat.

“I was on time.”

“For you, that’s early. Next time you plan to impress me give me some warning.”

“The animals are out, and I found you a boat. This is when a thank you would be in order.”

“Thank you, Jesper,” said Nina.

“You’re very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That’s how the civilised folk do.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: jesper, kaz, nina, the-dregs

293 likes

#5

“Kaz reached into his coat pocket. "Here," he said and handed Jesper a slender book with an elaborate cover.

"Are we going to read to each other?"

"Just flip it open to the back."

Jesper opened the book and peered at the last page, puzzled. "So?"

"Hold it up so we don't have to look at your ugly face."

"My face has character. Besides - oh!"

"An excellent read, isn't it?"

"Who knew I had a taste for literature?”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: bardugo, book, comedy, funny, humour, jesper, kaz-brekker, leigh-bardugo, read, six-of-crows

224 likes

#6

“He saw that Jesper was staring at his hands. "What were you expecting?" Kaz growled.
"Claws, at least,"Jesper said, shifting his gaze to his own bony feet. "Possibly a spiny thumb.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: jesper, kaz-brekker

81 likes

#7

“He made himself refocus on Inej's feet. "Saints," he said.
Inej grimaced. "That bad?"
"No, you just have really ugly feet."
"Ugly feet that got you on this roof.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

tags: bardugo, feet, inej-ghafa, jesper, leigh, leigh-bardugo, roof, saints, six-of-crows, ugly

95 likes

#8

“Move.”
“Jesper!” his father said.
“Don’t worry, Da. People point guns at each other all the time in Ketterdam. It’s basically a handshake.”
“Is that true?” his father asked as the scholar grudgingly moved aside and they shoved the heavy desk in front of the door.
“Absolutely,” said Wylan.
“Certainly not,” said the scholar.
Jesper waved them on. “Depends on the neighborhood. Let’s go.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom

tags: greetings, guns, handshakes, jesper, wylan

33 likes

#9

“I'd prefer a pair of sable-lined swimming trunks. But we can't always get what we want.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom

tags: jesper

8 likes

#10

“Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.”
― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

tags: humor, shakespeare

584 likes

#11

“When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial.”
― Fernando Pessoa

tags: social-anxiety

520 likes

#12

“I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.”
― Mark A. Cooper, Royal Decree

tags: funny, humor, prick, rude-quote, schoolboy-quote, witty-comebacks

412 likes

#13

“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN”
― Bill Watterson

281 likes

#14

“The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
― Albert Camus

tags: existentialism, meaning-of-life, suicide, witty

990 likes

#15

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

tags: be-yourself, being-yourself, clever, comedic, differences, everyone, funny, funny-but-true, humor, ignorance, jokes, laughter, mockery, opinions, personality, personality-types, sense-of-humor, similarities, stupidity, traits, types, witty

314 likes

#16

“Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.”
― Jim Butcher, Changes

tags: harry-dresden, humor, wit

258 likes

#17

“The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

tags: insult, simile, witty

236 likes

#18

“Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat."
I grinned. "I've noticed."
Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term."
"Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.”
― Cate Tiernan, Immortal Beloved

tags: humor, sarcasm, teasing, witty

193 likes

#19

“I’d heard you were dead.”
"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

tags: humor, insults, put-downs, rumors, witty

194 likes

#20

“We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive as our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers… We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything.”
― Courtney Martin

280 likes

#21

“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked...
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'
Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.
'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

tags: clever, comical, funny, hilarious, ironic, irony, witty

285 likes

#22

“It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Slippery Slope

tags: crying, witty-comments

193 likes

#23

“Nyx’s quasar eyes burned. “Of course not. I would not let my horses eat you, any more than I would let Akhlys kill you. Such fine prizes, I will kill myself!”
Annabeth didn’t feel particularly witty or courageous, but her instincts told her to take the initiative, or this would be a very short conversation.
“Oh, don’t kill yourself!” she cried. “We’re not that scary.”
The goddess lowered her whip. “What? No, I didn’t mean—”
“Well, I hope not!” Annabeth looked at Percy and forced a laugh. “We wouldn’t want to scare her, would we?”
“Ha, ha,” Percy said weakly. “No, we wouldn’t.”
― Rick Riordan, The House of Hades

tags: annabeth-chase, nyx, percy-jackson

142 likes

#24

“You have this maddening little smile sometimes, like you've just thought of something incredibly witty but are afraid to say it in case no one gets the joke.”
― Robyn Schneider, The Beginning of Everything

119 likes

#25

“The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.”
― Josh Lanyon, The Dickens with Love

tags: humor, reading, witty

102 likes

#26

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm

15186 likes

#27

“It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: humor, jace-wayland, sarcasm

9250 likes

#28

“Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: clary, jace, sarcasm

7912 likes

#29

“Don't tell me," Jace said, "Simon's turned himself into an ocelot and you want me to do something about it before Isabelle makes him into a stole. Well, you'll have have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." He pointed at himself - he was wearing blue pajamas with a hole in the sleeve. "Look. Jammies."
"Jace," Clary said, "this is important."
"Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could always ask Hodge," he said as an afterthought. "I hear he'll do anything for a -"
"JACE!" she interrupted him, her voice rising to a scream. "JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN, WILL YOU?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: clary-fray, jace-wayland, pijamas, sarcasm

3528 likes

#30

“I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: clary-fray, hodge, humor, revenge, sarcasm, tea

3100 likes

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