Inzombiac > Inzombiac's Quotes

“Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind”
― Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies

“There are only three people in life you can never fool--pawnbrokers, whores, and your mother. Since your mother's dead, I've taken her place. Hence, I'm bullshit-proof.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“You simply collapsed, sir. In layman's terms, your body revoked its permission for you to continue heaping abuse upon it.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“You've got that motherly concern in your eyes, Jean. I must look like I'm hammered as shit," said Locke.

"Actually you look like you were executed last week.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“But you didn't die."
"Clever lad, to deduce that from such slender evidence after living with me for just three years.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“Jean," Locke gasped out during a brief lull between spasms of retching, "next time I conceive a plan like this, consider putting a hatchet in my skull."

"Hardly efficacious." Jean swapped a full bucket for an empty one and gave Locke a friendly pat on the back. "Dulling my nice sharp blades on a skull as thick as yours...”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“...all apologies for getting most of your fortune buried under shit. I hope we can all still be friends.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“If you put Durant's brains in a thimble full of water they'd look like a ship lost in the middle of the sea.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“Don’t think of it as urine,” Pawn Odgers advised her. “Try to think of it as an olfactory disguise.” Felicity tried and was not measurably comforted. “But”
― Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto

“There is no way this conversation is not going to get horrible, thought Odette. No situation is improved by the presence of a gigantic anus. At”
― Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto

“The key, as when one interacted with kindergartners, was not to acknowledge the immeasurable horror of what you were dealing with.”
― Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto

“Kasturi, the second housemate, was hibernating on a plinth in her bedroom. I must remember to go in and dust her, Felicity told herself.”
― Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto

“„But I hate her,” protested Odette.
“Oh, I’m sure you think you do,” said Marcel cheerfully, “but you’re still young. It takes decades to really hate someone.” Odette sighed heavily. “I’ll tell you what, if, after fifteen years, you still think you hate her, we’ll do something about it.”
― Daniel O'Malley, Stiletto

“Apparently the part of the brain that identified things as funny kept running as a background process even when its contributions were useless.”
― Neal Stephenson, Seveneves

“Izzy was full of people who were skewed toward the Asperger’s end of the social spectrum, and there was no better way to get them to start talking than to ask them a technical question.”
― Neal Stephenson, Seveneves

“He was already thinking about the videos he was going to make to teach his baby about calculus when he climaxed.”
― Neal Stephenson, Seveneves

“The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn't too. That was his whole thing.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“And I hate to be a stickler for the rules but the Hibatsu Survival Settlement Charter clearly states that any individual who cannot reimburse the company in liquid assets must make it up with voluntary existence suspension.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“There was an Iron Man–shaped ache in my face.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“The geek shall inherit the earth.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“Nothing says ‘I come in peace’ like a good incendiary device”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam

“He seemed to notice for the first time that we weren't exactly rushing to his side, but were mainly watching him as a zoo patron would watch a crazy monkey, curious but ready to move at the first sign of poo-flinging. There was a minute of awkward silence before someone near the back with their head held under their arm said "who's this twat?”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld

“His perpetual grin was wider than any I'd ever seen, and that included several guys I'd known at Dreadgrave's with no skin on their faces.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld

“He was obviously taking an extended holiday from reality, an option that I had to admit I was finding more and more tempting.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld

“State your HURRAAARRGLAB,” went the monarch.
“Mr. Wonderful,” said the advisor, daintily wiping the king’s mouth with a hanky. “What do we keep telling you about your interrogation methods? The information’s never reliable and it really hurts our image.”
“It’s all right,” I sighed. “This is my actual face.”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld

“That's so cold. Would you just abandon me if I was useless?" A pause. "What's that look for?”
― Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld

“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

“I had fallen two stories after being flung two stories." Garm said. "I know the feeling." "Drugs don't count!”
― Steven Campbell, Garm