2026 Reading Challenge

Crystal > Crystal's Quotes

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  • #1
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8920 likes

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  • #2
    Phyllis Diller
    “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
    ― Phyllis Diller
    tags: anger, funny, sleep
    8251 likes

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  • #3
    “If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.”
    ― H.N. Turteltaub, The Sacred Land
    tags: misattributed-cassandra-clare, misattributed-jace
    10652 likes

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  • #4
    Marilyn Monroe
    “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: dirty, funny, logo, sex
    6871 likes

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  • #5
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7635 likes

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  • #6
    Suzanne Collins
    “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
    ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
    tags: boggs, finnick, funny, humour, hunger-games, katniss, mockingjay, odair, suzanne-collins, witty
    9271 likes

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  • #7
    Cathy Guisewite
    “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
    ― Cathy Guiswite
    tags: eyes, funny, lemons
    5194 likes

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  • #8
    Yogi Berra
    “Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
    ― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes
    tags: funny
    2999 likes

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  • #9
    Rachel Caine
    “Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane”
    ― Rachel Caine, Glass Houses
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    2412 likes

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  • #10
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8864 likes

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  • #11
    Rachel Caine
    “Perv."
    He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?”
    ― Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    1995 likes

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  • #12
    John Green
    “They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    6221 likes

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  • #13
    John Green
    “It's not because I want to make out with her."
    Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny
    4074 likes

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  • #14
    George Carlin
    “That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
    ― George Carlin
    3744 likes

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  • #15
    Benjamin Franklin
    “A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
    ― Benjamin Franklin
    tags: funny, inspirational, money
    1613 likes

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  • #16
    Gena Showalter
    “Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
    1. You're wearing that?
    2. Something smells funny.
    3. Where's the Tylenol?
    4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
    5. I have a confession to make…
    6. My dad has a suit just like that.
    7. That man is hot. Look at him.
    8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
    9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
    10. You're how old?”
    ― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
    tags: dating, funny
    1534 likes

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  • #17
    Lauren Myracle
    “You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
    ― Lauren Myracle, ttfn
    tags: funny, humor, waffles
    1446 likes

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  • #18
    Wendy Mass
    “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
    All the time.”
    ― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
    tags: flotsam, funny, humor, jeremy-fink, jetsam, keys, lizzy, wendy-mass, what-i-always-think
    2114 likes

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  • #19
    Robert Benchley
    “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
    ― Robert Benchley
    tags: bleeding, funny, humor, opera, stabbed
    1989 likes

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  • #20
    Mae West
    “Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: funny
    1096 likes

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  • #22
    Lewis Carroll
    “Why it's simply impassible!
    Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
    Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!”
    ― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
    tags: alice, alice-in-wonderland, door, funny, humor, wordplay
    1701 likes

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  • #23
    Jarod Kintz
    “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
    1000 likes

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  • #24
    Holly Black
    “Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.”
    ― Holly Black, Ironside
    tags: corny, funny, ironside
    1105 likes

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  • #25
    Jarod Kintz
    “Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
    665 likes

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  • #26
    D.J. MacHale
    “Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
    ― D.J. MacHale
    tags: funny
    495 likes

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  • #28
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: first, funny, skydiving
    901 likes

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  • #29
    Isaac Asimov
    “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
    ― Isaac Asimov
    2027 likes

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  • #30
    Gena Showalter
    “I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist”
    ― Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness
    tags: antipathy, dislike, funny, hatred
    2373 likes

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  • #31
    Lauren Myracle
    “I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.”
    ― Lauren Myracle
    tags: funny, home, life
    2050 likes

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  • #32
    Laurie Halse Anderson
    “Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.”
    ― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
    tags: accurate, drowsiness, funny
    939 likes



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Tags From Crystal’s Quotes

automobile
car
funny
humor
religious
anger
sleep
misattributed-cassandra-clare
misattributed-jace
dirty
logo
sex
classic-insult
funeral
boggs
finnick
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katniss
mockingjay
odair
suzanne-collins
witty
eyes
lemons
morganvillevampires
humanity
inspirational
money
dating
waffles
flotsam
jeremy-fink
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keys
lizzy
wendy-mass
what-i-always-think
bleeding
opera
stabbed
alice
alice-in-wonderland
door
wordplay
corny
ironside
first
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antipathy
dislike
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life
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