Razan Sharif > Razan's Quotes

“لو طـُلب مني نصيحة موجزة في كلمتين سأقول "كن صادقاً"، ولو زادت على حد الكلمتين سأضيف لها: "في جميع الأوقات.”
― راندي بوتش, المحاضرة الأخيرة

“حين ننتهي من قراءة كتاب جيد ... نكون كمن ودع صديقاً جيداً”
― عبد الكريم بكار, طفل يقرأ

“الحب التملكي. [ففيه] الأب يمتلك الأم والأولاد، يحميهم ويؤمن حاجاتهم، ولكنه يقرر مصيرهم وتوجاتهم الحياتيه. والأم تحب أبناءها وترعاهم بشكل تملكي. فهي تتفانى في خدمتهم والسهر عليهم، تقدم نفسها وعطاءها لهم دون تحفظ، شريطة أن تحتفظ بسيطرة خفيه عليهم، سيطرة الحب.
إنها تقيدهم بواجب الوفاء وعرفان الجميل لذلك الكائن الذي نذر نفسه وبذلها من أجلهم.
ومن خصائص الحب التملكي التساهل في كل شيء ماعدا الرغبة في الاستقلال والتوجه نحو التفرد.”
― مصطفى حجازي, التخلف الاجتماعي: مدخل إلى سيكولوجية الإنسان المقهور

“The Voice

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.”
― Shel Silverstein

“يتهرب الرجل من مأزقه بصبه على المرأة من خلال تحميلها كل مظاهر النقص والمهانة التي يشكو منها في علاقته مع المتسلط وقهره والطبيعة واعتباطها . ولذلك يفرض على المرأة أكثر الوضعيات غبنًا في المجتمع المتخلف ، انها محط كل إسقاطات الرجل السلبية والإيجابية على حد سواء . وهي تُدفع نتيجة لذلك الى اقصى حالات التخلف . ولكنها من هوة تخلفها وقهرها ترسّخ تخلف البنية الاجتماعية من خلال ما تغرسه في نفوس أطفالها من خرافة وانفعالية ورضوخ .”
― مصطفى حجازي, التخلف الاجتماعي: مدخل إلى سيكولوجية الإنسان المقهور

“Most parents think that if our child would just “behave,” we could maintain our composure as parents. The truth is that managing our own emotions and actions is what allows us to feel peaceful as parents. Ultimately we can’t control our children or the hand life deals them—but we can always control our own actions. Parenting isn’t about what our child does, but about how we respond.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Mindfulness is the opposite of “losing” your temper. Don’t get me wrong—mindfulness doesn’t mean you don’t feel anger. Being mindful means that you pay attention to what you’re feeling, but don’t act on it. Anger is part of all relationships. Acting on it mindlessly, with words or actions, is what compromises our parenting.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Yelling escalates a difficult situation, turning it from a squall into a storm. And really, how can you expect your child to learn to control his own emotions if you don’t control yours?”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Because no matter how bad your child’s behavior, it’s a cry for help. Sometimes the behavior requires a firm limit, but it never requires us to be mean. And you can’t help your child while you’re shouting.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“you don’t raise your voice? When kids are scared, they go into fight-or-flight. The learning centers of the brain shut down. Your child can’t learn when you yell. It’s always more effective to intervene calmly and compassionately. Besides, when you yell, you lose credibility with your child. Kids become less open to your influence.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“What matters most: Stay connected and never withdraw your love, even for a moment. The deepest reason kids cooperate is that they love you and want to please you. Above all, safeguard your relationship with your child. That’s your only leverage to have any influence on your child. It’s what your child needs most. And that closeness is what makes all the sacrifices of parenting worth it.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“The moments that make our hearts melt make all the very real sacrifices worthwhile.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“The mother is downloading emotion programs into the infant’s right brain. The child is using the output of the mother’s right hemisphere as a template for the imprinting, the hardwiring, of circuits in his own right hemisphere.”2 You’re even determining the size of his hippocampi3 (more development confers better learning, stress management, and mental health), anterior cingulate (emotional regulation), and amygdala (emotional reactivity). This early brain wiring influences happiness levels and mood later in life, because better wiring means a better ability to connect with others, regulate positive or negative emotions, and soothe ourselves.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Consider eliminating TV time. This eliminates a possible cause of aggression (which is more likely when kids are in daycare) and also shifts your child’s focus back to you as the leader from whom he takes his cues.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“the ability of a human being to manage his emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life—maybe even more fundamentally than his IQ.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“before you can correct, you have to connect. Discipline will just make him feel less safe. Play, on the other hand, creates a sense of safety and releases the connection hormone, oxytocin.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Sometimes our child’s strong emotions are triggered by essential needs that go unmet, needs the child can’t verbalize. Most parents focus on physical needs like sleep, food, and cleanliness. But often we forget their deeper needs:”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“To know that their parents adore them, love to care for them, and care about their happiness. (Worthiness, security, self-esteem) To feel truly seen, known, accepted, and appreciated—even the “shameful” parts like anger, jealousy, pettiness, and greed. (Unconditional love) To stay connected with each parent through regular relaxed, playful, unstructured, affirming time together. (Intimacy, belonging) To work through challenging daily emotions. (Emotional wholeness, self-acceptance) To master new skills. (Mastery, independence, confidence) To act from one’s own motivations to impact the world. (Self-determination, power) To make a contribution.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“The dirty little secret about punishment is that it doesn’t work to teach children better behavior. In fact, studies show that punishment creates more bad behavior. Not just that children who behave badly get punished more, but that children who get punished more will behave badly more often over time.1 That’s because punishment teaches all the wrong lessons.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“we punish because we’ve been taught that’s how to stop bad behavior, and we see that it does work instantly in the short term. But we also punish to discharge our own upsetting feelings. In fact, I would argue that most of the time we punish our children not to regulate their behavior—since it doesn’t work unless we keep escalating—but to regulate our own emotions. We punish our child instead of taking responsibility for our own anger and restoring ourselves to a state of calm. Punishing our child discharges our own frustration and worry, and makes us feel better.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Your goal in disciplining your child is actually to help him develop self-discipline, meaning to assume responsibility for his actions, including making amends and avoiding a repeat, whether the authority figure is present or not.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Babies who are told “No!” all the time learn to think inside the box.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“It’s very hard for us to believe that people who loved us would intentionally hurt us, so we feel the need to excuse their behavior. But repressing that pain just makes us more likely to hit our own children. If you were willing to reach deep inside and really feel again the hurt you felt when you were physically punished as a child, you would never consider inflicting that pain on your own child. And the pain does not end in childhood, even if we repress and deny it. The scientific consensus of hundreds of studies shows that corporal punishment during childhood is associated with negative behaviors in adults, even when the adult says that the spanking did not affect them badly. Even a few instances of being hit as a child are associated with more depressive symptoms as an adult. While most of us who were spanked “turned out okay,” it is clear that not being spanked would have helped us turn out to be healthier. I suspect that one contributing factor to the epidemic of anxiety and depression among adults in our culture is that so many of us grew up with parents who hurt us.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“A 2012 study reviewed the previous two decades of research and confirmed Gershoff’s findings, reporting that kids who are spanked have less gray matter in their brains and are more likely to exhibit depression, anxiety, drug use, and aggression.9 Spanking has repeatedly been shown to lower intelligence, while it increases tantrums, defiance, bullying, sibling violence, adult mental health problems, and later spousal abuse. No studies show that kids who are spanked are better behaved or grow up to be equally healthy emotionally.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“The more often we get angry, the more defended our child becomes, and therefore the less likely to show that it bothers her. Anger pushes children of all ages away from us. It practically guarantees that they’ll have an “attitude” by the time they’re ten, and that yelling fights will be the norm during their teen years. The unfortunate result of yelling is a child who is less likely to want to please you and is more open to the influences of the peer group and the larger culture.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

“Kids raised from birth on to feel safe expressing their emotions, who feel their parents are on their side, aren’t perfect. They’re easier to parent, though, because they’re better at managing their emotions, and therefore their behavior. They’re more willing to accept our guidance.”
― Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting