Yann Blanchette > Yann's Quotes

“Misbehavior and punishment are not opposites that cancel each other - on the contrary they breed and reinforce each other.”
― Haim G. Ginott

“When a child hits a child, we call it aggression.
When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility.
When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault.
When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline.”
― Haim G. Ginott

“If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.”
― Haim Ginott

“Children do not yearn for equal shares of love: They need to be loved uniquely, not uniformly. The emphasis is on quality, not equality. We”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Misbehavior and punishment are not opposites that cancel each other; on the contrary, they breed and reinforce each other. Punishment does not deter misconduct. It makes the offender more skillful in escaping detection. When children are punished they resolve to be more careful, not more obedient or responsible. Parents”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Provoked lies. Parents should not ask questions that are likely to cause defensive lying. Children resent being interrogated by a parent, especially when they suspect that the answers are already known. They hate questions that are traps, questions that force them to choose between an awkward lie and an embarrassing confession. Quentin,”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“It is a deep comfort to children to discover that their feelings are a normal part of the human experience. There is no better way to convey that than to understand them. When”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Empathy, a parent's ability to understand what a child is feeling, is an important and valuable ingredient of child rearing.”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Rewards are most helpful and more enjoyable when they are unannounced in advance, when they come as a surprise, when they represent recognition and appreciation. Promises:”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Why do children lie? Sometimes they lie because they are not allowed to tell the truth. Four-year-old”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“What is the goal of parenting? It's to help a child grow up to be a decent human being, a mensch, a person with compassion, commitment, and caring.”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Unfortunately, when parents are confronted with children's misbehavior, they are unaware that usually disturbing feelings fuel that behavior. Feelings must be dealt with before behavior can be improved. As”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Responsibility in children starts with the parents' attitude and skills. The attitudes include a willingness to allow children to feel all their feelings; the skills include an ability to demonstrate to children acceptable ways of coping with feelings. The”
― Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated

“Children learn best when they like their teacher and they think their teacher likes them.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child. To foster independance we must first invite dependance; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer one than he is giving us. We liberate children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Unconditional parental love is the indespensible nutrient for the child's healthy emotional growth. The first task is to create space in the child's heart for the certainty that she is precisely the person the parents want and love. She does not have to do anything or be any different to earn that love - in fact, she cannot do anything, since that love cannot be won or lost...The child can be ornery, unpleasant, whiny, uncooperative, and plain rude, and the parent still lets her feel loved. Ways have to be found to convey the unacceptability of certain behaviors without making the child herself feel unaccepted. She has to be able to bring her unrest, her least likable characteristics to the parent and still receive the parent's absolutely satisfying, security-inducing unconditional love.”
― Gordon Neufeld

“In thousands of little ways, we pull and push our children to grow up, hurrying them along instead of inviting them to rest. We could never court each other as adults by resisting dependance...Perhaps we feel free to invite the dependance of adults becuase we are not responsible for their growth and maturity. We don't bear the burden of getting them to be independant. Here is the core of the problem: we are assuming too much responsiblity for the maturation of our children. We have forgotten that we are not alone - we have nature as our ally. Independance is the fruit of maturation; our job in raising children is to look after their dependance needs. When we do our job of meeting genuine dependance needs, nature is free to do its job of promoting maturity. In the same way, we don't have to make our children grow taller; we just need to give them food. By forgetting that growth, development and maturation are natural processes, we lose perspective. We become afraid our children will get stuck and never grow up. Perhaps we think that if we don't push a little, they will never leave the nest. Human beings are not like birds in this respect. The more children are pushed, the tighter they cling - or, failing that, they nest with someone else.”
― Gordon Neufeld

“But my child is strong-willed,” many parents insist. “When he decides that he wants something he just keeps at it until I cannot say no, or until I get very angry.” What is really being described here is not will but a rigid, obsessive clinging to this or that desire. An obsession may resemble will in its persistence but has nothing in common with it. Its power comes from the unconscious and it rules the individual, whereas a person with true will is in command of his intentions. The child’s oppositionality is not an expression of will. What it denotes is the absence of will, which allows a person only to react, but not to act from a free and conscious process of choosing.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Carl Jung explained that we tend to attack in others what we are most uncomfortable with in ourselves. When vulnerability is the enemy, it is attacked wherever it is perceived, even in a best friend.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Absolutely missing in peer relationships are unconditional love and acceptance, the desire to nurture, the ability to extend oneself for the sake of the other, the willingness to sacrifice for the growth and development of the other.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“We used to think that schools built brains. Now we know that it is play that builds the brains that school can then use.”
― Gordon Neufeld

“As children grow, they have an increasing need to orient: to have a sense of who they are, of what is real, why things happen, what is good, what things mean. To fail to orient is to suffer disorientation, to be lost psychologically—a state our brains are programmed to do almost anything to avoid. Children are utterly incapable of orienting by themselves. They need help. Attachment provides that help. The first business”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“thus educators learn about teaching subjects but not about the essential importance of connected relationships to the learning process of young human beings.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Peer relationships are safest when they are the natural offspring of attachments with the parents.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“phenomenon. For the child to feel full he must first feel empty, to feel helped the child must first feel in need of help, to feel complete he must have felt incomplete. To experience the joy of reunion one must first experience the ache of loss, to be comforted one must first have felt hurt. Satiation may be a very pleasant experience, but the prerequisite is to be able to feel vulnerability. When a child loses the ability to feel her attachment voids, the child also loses the ability to feel nurtured and fulfilled.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Children are not meant to work for love. They are meant to rest in someone’s care so that they can play and grow; this is why relationships matter.”
― Deborah MacNamara, Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One

“It is a road map for growing a child into a separate, independent being who assumes responsibility for directing their own life and for the choices they make.”
― Deborah MacNamara, Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One

“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. —ERNEST HEMINGWAY, A Farewell to Arms”
― Kent Hoffman, Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore

“She needs you to help her calm herself, and one important aspect of that is giving her space and time.”
― Kent Hoffman, Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore