Sara > Sara's Quotes

“Alright so Evil Conevil, yeah. They're always asking him about that time he messed up. And the strangest question I've ever heard them ask is

'So evil what were you thinking right before you hit the ground?' how much stupider can you get?

'well, Bob. I was thinking, Hey! Did I leave the iron on? and when my lag broke in half, Hey! I should get a puppy! No! What do you think I was thinking? I was thinking AAAAAAAAA!!!!! AAAAAA!!!! AAAAAA!!!”
― Brian Regan

“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.”

“You, too. But you don’t have one, do ya? I’m a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity.” That’s all I’m trying to say.”
― Brian Regan

“I called them up, "Ya, I have ten boxes; can you come pick them up?" "We need to know the weight and the girth." "Okay, good-bye." So I called back. "We need the weight and the girth." "Okay, I don't know what the weight is, and um, I don't know what girth means... So now what's the procedure?" So this guy talks to me like I'm four years old. "Well do you have a bathroom scale?" "Uh, ya but if I put the box on the scale it's gonna cover up the NUMBERS!" What, do I take it off really quick? Ah, zero: I'm not fast enough. What's he talking about? So then he gives me his Mister Wizard Formula, "How about if you stand on the scale and weigh yourself and get off the scale. Pick up the box, get back on, weigh you and the box together, and subtract your own weight." I'm going, "Slow down. Hold on professor." I know this guys never tried this, because I tried it and you still can't see the NUMBERS! Then I had to hang up in the middle of his girth formula.”
― Brian Regan

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

“We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“Hello again, violinist,' he said in a hoarse voice. 'Fancy meeting you here.”
― Regina Doman, The Shadow of the Bear

“I think that if a real princess was lost in this modern world and she could be whatever she wanted, she would be a musician,' Blanche said slowly. 'A violinist, or a harpist. That would be the only place where she could find solace for her lost kingdom.”
― Regina Doman, The Shadow of the Bear

“Fairy tale does not deny the existence of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance. It denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat...giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy; Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

“You and I were created by God to be so much more than normal…Following the crowd is not a winning approach to life. In the end it’s a loser’s game, because we never become who God created us to be by trying to be like everybody else.”
― Tim Tebow, Through My Eyes

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
― Timothy Leary

“Tony flung himself into his brother's arms and felt them close round him tight. "Hold me so I can't get away!" he said, and found himself queerly rejoicing in the steely strength of those scarred wrists.”
― Constance Savery, Enemy Brothers

“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

“But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

“Swoon, Dora. Every young woman deserves to swoon over the love of her life.”
― Nancy Moser, Masquerade

“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that she’d know I’m an idiot and just walk right on past me just as long as I was holding something.

“What do you have there, Brian?”

“It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an ‘F’ on it there and let me go home.”

“Well, explain it.”

“Well, it’s a cup with dirt in it. I call it ‘Cup of Dirt.’ You should move on now. Just go ahead and move on. Head on down the line there.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“ I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop!”
― Brian Regan

“I' before 'e' except after 'c' and when sounding like 'a' as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh' and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May and YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!”
― Brian Regan

“It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. ”
― Brian Regan

“There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love.”
― Christopher Morley, Pipefuls

“Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.”
― Ronald Reagan

“If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be one nation gone under.”
― Ronald Reagan

“You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans. ”
― Ronald Reagan

“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”
― Fulton J. Sheen

“We become like that which we love. If we love what is base, we become base; but if we love what is noble, we become noble.”
― Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

“A woman gets angry when a man denies his faults, because she knew them all along. His lying mocks her affection; it is the deceit that angers her more than the faults.”
― Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

“Because God is full of life, I imagine each morning Almighty God says to the sun, "Do it again"; and every evening to the moon and the stars, "Do it again"; and every springtime to the daisies, "Do it again"; and every time a child is born into the world asking for curtain call, that the heart of the God might once more ring out in the heart of the babe.”
― Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

“The impossible could not have happened, therefore the impossible must be possible in spite of appearances.”
― Agatha Christie, Murder on the Orient Express

“Mr. Upchurch,” she fumbled. “I . . . I must take my leave directly. But before I go, allow me to say how sorry I am for the callous way I treated you in the past. I regret it most keenly.”

His heart squeezed even as he felt his brows rise. “Do you?”

She swallowed. “I was wrong about you. I was wrong about a great many things.”
― Julie Klassen, The Maid of Fairbourne Hall

“Books are the most wonderful friends in the world. When you meet them and pick them up, they are always ready to give you a few ideas. When you put them down, they never get mad; when you take them up again, they seem to enrich you all the more.”
― Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living