A Dirty Job Quotes

“What you seek you shall never find.
For when the Gods made man,
They kept immortality to themselves.
Fill your belly.
Day and night make merry.
Let Days be full of joy.
Love the child who holds your hand.
Let your wife delight in your embrace.
For these alone are the concerns of man.”
― The Epic of Gilgamesh

“So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“He wanted her to experience all the glorious cheese of life.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them a large kidney shaped dish that had its own little island, a plastic palm tree, some aquatic plants, and a snail. The snail, presumably, to bolster the self-esteem of the turtles: "You think we're slow? Look at that guy." To store up the snail's morale in the same way, there was a rock.”
― Christopher Moore

“She have to go pick up prescription, so I watch Sophie for short time. And tiny bears are happy when I go in bathroom."

"Hamsters, Mrs. Korjev, not bears."
....

"I've got her now," Charlie said. "One of you stay with her while I get rid of the H-A-M-S-T-E-R-S."

"He mean the tiny bears.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“My name," said Mr. Fresh.
"Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up.
"I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty."
Charlie completely forgot what he was worried about. "Minty? Your name is Minty Fresh?"
Charlie appeared to be trying to stifle a sneeze, but then snorted an explosive laugh. Then ducked.”
― Christopher Moore

“I don't know,' Charlie said. 'Have you gotten a good look at them? I mean, they got the badonkadonk out back and some fine bajoopbadangs up front, know what I'm sayin', dog? Buss a rock wid a playa?' He offered his fist for Minty to buss him a rock, but alas, the mint one left him hangin'.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“You don't have to tell him anything, Asher,' Lily said, obviously renewing her loyalty in spite of his douche wafflosity.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job