Dee Tenorio Quotes

“I hate you. You are the reason fungus exists. You are the slime that grows in swamps that even acid can’t break down—”
“How long do you plan to keep this up, Rhubarb?”
“Why?”
“Because I was going to hail down a bottle of beer and I figured you might get thirsty having your mouth open so much.”
“Make it a white wine and I’ll keep it short.”
“No, you won’t, but it might slow you down. Be right back.”
― Dee Tenorio, A Wedding Story

“She eyed him but said nothing. Why did he always have to pull out the truth?
“It’s not like I haven’t seen you pee before. Go ahead.”
“Eww, you have not!”
“Yup, you were six and you had to go and there was no one else to take you.”
Oh God...she’d been so humiliated she must have blanked it from her memory.”
― Dee Tenorio, A Wedding Story

“Bobby’s eyes widened. Then he swallowed like there was an anvil in his throat.
“You want me...”
She waited for him to continue but he didn’t seem capable. So she shifted and the pain brought him back from wherever his glazed gaze had taken him.
“You want me to rip your underwear off?”
Given the need to clamp her thighs together, she didn’t care how he worded it. She nodded.
“I think I’ve died and gone to Heaven,” he murmured.
“You will if you don’t watch it, Wichowski. Just...reach under...”
― Dee Tenorio, A Wedding Story

“Hey, Rhubarb, we may need to rethink our approach.”
“No, we don’t.”
“I’ve only got one hand here, kiddo. Maybe if I grab the middle-”
“If you grab the middle, it’ll be the last thing that hand ever does!”
He pondered that as if it explained something. “So I’m guessing then you don’t get a lot of company down here.”
“Bobby, so help me, I will rip your arm off and beat you with it, do you hear me?”
“Okay, geez. Let me just get a look—” He picked her skirt up and pulled it over his head.
“Bobby!” She was actually too mortified to even scream so it came out like a squeak from a dying rat.
“Dammit, there’s no light under here, can’t see a thing.”
Thank God for small blessings. “Get out of there!”
“Tell you what, how about you use your spare hand and I use mine on either side of your hips and we yank together.”
― Dee Tenorio, A Wedding Story

“Rhubarb, I would have proposed when you were in pigtails and bobby sox.”
― Dee Tenorio, A Wedding Story

“Sweetheart, I’ll be a Marine ‘til they bury my cold, dead, decrepit ass in the ground a good fifty or sixty years from now.”
― Dee Tenorio, Undercover Lovers